Random babblings from the mind of Emily

Saturday, March 7, 2009

FUN FOR YOU

I saw this on a couple friends blogs, so I thought, why not. I don't know if all 5 people that read this blog will want something homemade from me, but here goes anyway. The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you. This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make. (But I won't make something horrible on purpose.)
2. What I create will be just for you.
3. It'll be done this year. That gives me a good nine months to get it done.
4. You have no clue what or when its going to be. Its all on my time. But I'll do my best to seek inspiration in what will be perfect for you, individually.
5. I reserve the right to do something extremely strange (but don't expect my gift to be too strange because I am not good at coming up with strange things :). The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must repeat this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog. The first 5 people to do so and leave a comment telling me they did win a FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift by me!
* Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it!!

Friday, March 6, 2009

GIFTED

One of my "jobs" at work is to check and sort the mail. The other day, we recieved a new magazine and like usual I set it aside to look at it when I had a calm moment. After sorting through the trash mail, invoices, and medical record requests, I decided to take a sec and read the new Raising Arizona Kids magazine. It had peaked my curiosity because one of the tags on the cover was: "How to tell a child, "You aren't gifted."
My first reaction was, "WHAT??? Are you F-ING kidding me?" Not surprisingly, my opinion did NOT change after reading the article.
Now, let me preface this by saying. I was not a "gifted" child. I was told I was not a "gifted" child in the second or third grade after testing just a few points shy of getting into the ELP class. (extensory learning program, aka the smart kids group) So my perspective may be a bit skewed as I am bitter. I grew up in Mesa, the "gifted" child MECCA. Surrounded by the overacheving, fast track, wonder children of the area. I was well rounded, participating in music lessons and regular kid/teenage activities, but I was pretty average. Even my 4.023 GPA at graduation did not qualify me for anything more than a scholarship to the the local community college. I was ranked 52 out of over 700 in my graduating class. So I wasn't by any means stupid, just not "gifted". But I digress.
The article proceeded to explain how to highlight your childs strengths to help them cope with the news that they weren't good enough for the special "gifted" programs that schools sometimes offer. While, I could see what the article was trying to do, I wanted to scream. See, in all my "average" schooling I found a love and a natural talent for psychology. (The natural talent was not my observation, but a professor of mine's.) All I could think of is, why are we labeling kids. Kids don't need to know they are "gifted". It is my opinion that a big part of the problem with todays men my age and just younger is that they were told they are "gifted" and learned that the rules don't apply to them and that they don't have to work for anything, it should just be handed to them because they are special. I also believe that there are a ton of moms out there that need to be reminded that "gifted" and "obnoxious" are not the same thing.
Now, Im all about boosting up a kids self esteem with specific and truthful observations about their own personal strengths, but why are we trying to put them into little catagories. Smart kids, dumb kids, problem children, etc. It does no one any good in the long run. One of the most telling lessons of this for me was when I was helping with a reading program in Montana. Every week we worked with kids that needed one on one help. One of the kids was especially difficult to work with. After talking to him a while, he told me he was stupid and he didn't like leaving class to come read with me cause then everyone knew he was stupid. After relaying this to the teacher, she quickly called one of the smartest kids in the class to come read with me. We read for a while, and then I sent him back to class. He read with me for the next few weeks. That way, it was no longer the "dumb kids" that came to read with us. It was smart kids too. The "difficult" child had a lot better attitude and started to consider himself special for getting to leave class to read with us.
One of the psyc classes I took looked at alternative learning methods. Many of these are commonly used in ELP programs like the one I wasn't smart enough for. The funny thing is, many of the "dumb kids" would have really benefitted from the nontraditional ways of learning and maybe, just maybe they would have been able to earn a "smart kid" label instead of the "dumb kid" one they were stuck with.
Just food for thought....

Friday, February 27, 2009

Reeds world continued

Reed is always looking for something to discover. No gate can hold him in. Its kinda frighening from a mom's point of view.

Reed loves the piano. I think we may have a musician despite his chunkly little fingers.

Read: "Mom, Im tired of running errands."

Read: "Is this the last stop? This seatbelt is making me crazy."

This is Reeds new trick. He likes to climb up and play in the dishes that are drying up top. Just think of all that dangerous possibilites that this has....

Reed and the rainy day. Nevermind it was really cold. He wanted to play in the water.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Reeds world

The neighbors across the street have a construction company and have great digger trucks. Reed loves when they are loading and unloading the diggers onto the semi to go to a job.

Reed has discovered Papa's flower beds. He loves picking the flowers and digging in the dirt.

Friday, February 20, 2009

I wish I would have listened to the Dr.

When the doctor told us the bottle has to be taken away at 12 months, I blew him off. What did the old man know anyway. Its just not possible. Reed uses table food for throwing, not eating. He needs the bottle or he will starve.

Six months later, the doctor just assumes Reed is off the bottle. I didn't correct him. I feel way guilty, both for lying to the good Doc, but because Reed should have been weaned a long time ago.

Supposedly, If you dont take the bottle away at 12 months they get attached. It becomes a security object. Well, if that not the silliest, nonsensical thing I have ever heard.

Then I saw this.... I think its time to take the bottle away. I think next weekend... Maybe.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Bitter, Party of 1

So, if anyone actually reads this think, one may have noticed that I have been MIA as of late. I know its only been about a week and a half, but thats a long time for me. And its not that I dont have anything to say. I ALWAYS HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY. Its just that Ive been spending the last week or so being a bit jealous. And as much as I have tried to avoid this particular blog entry, its coming out. Which I suppose is healthy. Maybe. Ill ask my counselor next session. She loves that I write. I just was told to not be self deprecating. Im working on it. Sorta.
See, all week I have had to read everyones posts about their Valentine's, their sweethearts, what their perfect husbands do for them and what they love most about their men. And I have vascillated from being envious, to being frusterated, to being downright nauseated. To all of you with these fabulous husbands that treat you like you are a princess, yeah for you. But Im sorry, if I have to read one more blog about how romantic he is and how you met and fell in love, I may just have to do something drastic. (not really, its just a figure of speech.)
Im happy to report that I did not have a Valentines dinner reminscent of that scene in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. (If you have not seen it, its hilarious.) Reed and I went to Wendys. Drive thru, of course. And while I loved getting little boy cuddles, its just not sufficent to fill the Valentine VOID that is my reality. I was laughing about, and then a bit miffed, that I have never actually been in a relationship on Valentines day. How sad. In all my 30 years. No Valentine. Timings a bitch, huh. Oh well.
I was reading a friends blog and she was talking about just needing a good kiss. (She was recently widowed and while she makes me feel bad about my own complaining, I was glad to know I am not alone.) But I just wanted to throw this out there for all of you smug marrieds. Dont take your kisses for granted. Have a good kiss now and again. Im not talking about a peck on the cheek and I am not talking about the one you get/give when you know your gonna get something out of it... if ya know what I mean. Somewhere in between. Like when you just realized he was the one. A good, woo-hoo, toe curling, fireworks kiss. If you aren't having those now and again. You better start working on getting em. Cause I have an excuse. Whats yours? After hearing all about your wonderful hubbies surly he deserves one now and again.
Now enough ranting. "Bitter. Party of One"

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Just keep swimming...

So Reeds new favorite movie is Finding Nemo. And I could now quote the whole movie for y'all. But it has got me thinking. I hope this comes together and makes sense. If not bear with me, I swear I have a point.

Lately, I have seen the effects of the economy and the stress of life in general in everyone around me. Friends and coworkers facing bankruptcy, pay cuts, layoffs, etc. I too have faced some of these. I went over my 401K with my dad yesterday and begged him to advise me on what I needed to be doing. Its a tough call when the amount of money I put in last quarter was less than the amount I lost. He had no answers. No one does, and anyone who says they do are most likely trying to play on your desperation to scam you out of more money. It has been interesting to watch people as they react to the strain. People have become more and more cautious and some have become downright control freaks.

Through this, I have watched a coworker, who started off with the "control everything" attitude change to just giving it over. Letting it go. She is a Catholic woman who watched her whole controlled little world fall apart. A husbands poor business practices and lack of fidelity, unwise investments and just the economic climate in general left them with hundreds of thousands in debt, 2 houses worth far less than the mortgages drawn for them, and a family barely hanging together with 2 kids and 1 on the way. When it got to where she could take no more, in an act of pure desparation, she fell to her knees and finally looked to the only One with the answers. She then and there relinquished her tight grip on the course of her life and pled for the Lord to just help her to know what she should be doing and to help her through the storm that encircled her. She gave it to the Lord. She knew she couldn't do it anymore and she just gave it to Him. Her whole perspective on life has changed since that day. You can see the joy back in her life, she is healthy and resetting her priorities. She was offered a job with a 30,000 pay increase. She let go and things started falling into place.

Now, back to Nemo. As I said earlier, I have watched the movie about a million times. At least 4 times a week for the past couple months. And anytime Dori comes on Reed gets so excited and just laughs. But after about the first millionth time, I finally figured out what it was saying. See Nemos dad, spent his whole existance trying to control everything to keep his son safe, and it didn't work. And as he went out searching for Nemo after he is taken, his controlling ways and the things he thinks will get him to Nemo only work against him and keep him from his son. He spends a lot of the movie ignoring and trying to get rid of the one fish (Dori) that is actually helping him get to his son....mostly because he feels HE knows better. One of hardest parts for me to watch is when they are in the whale and Dori tells Marlin "Its time to let go." I swear everytime I hear that, I know it a message from someone trying to push me in the right direction. Of course his response is, "How do you know something bad wont happen?" Dori's response is simply, "I dont." And she lets go. Of course they are then shot back out into the ocean and are able to continue on their journey and eventually find Nemo. Its funny how all of Marlin's controlling made him unable to see the answers and the help that was swimming right next to him.

I guess for me the most striking parallel to our lives is the death grip we have on "control." But there are so many variables in life, the control is only an illusion. So my current goal is to be Dori. To start relinquishing my "psuedo-control" and my ideas on how things should be and stop worrying about all the "thats not fair" things in life and just take it to the Lord. My coworker did everything by the book, her investments, her marriage, etc. But there were things beyond her control. And while her first reaction was to become bitter and frustrated and lash out, she was quickly humbled and realized that she was wasting vital energy and time. She took it to the Lord and was blessed and guided because of it. See, the Lord can't guide you if you refuse to let go. He cant help if you don't have the faith enough in Him that you will recieve the guidance you need.

So, as we face the portent that is our current life and as we look to the future knowing that this is only the beginning of the storm, I hope that we all (myself included) remember to be a Dori and just keep swimming. That we let go of our death grip and just let the Lord steer for a while.

Football

I know its been a whole week since the game, but I wanted to take a quick sec and give some love to the Arizona Cardinals.

Now before you all get mean with me cause you know how critical I have been, I want to explain. I have been one of their biggest critics. They could do no right. They were crappy. And they wanted my tax money for a stupid stadium so they could play crappy there. And I didn't like it. Not when we cant even pay teachers a reasonable salary and we continue to cut educational funding. But I digress.

When AZ was considering building the Cardinals a new stadium, they noted that they could never be great when playing in the ASU stadium. To be fair, that stadium is very old and not very equipt for a pro football team, maybe not even ASU. But very few felt like we had a "Pro" team in the Cardinals, therefore they didn't need a pro stadium. They persisted in requests for a new stadium and promised us a superbowl if they got it. The skeptical locals, me included, just laughed and kissed our tax dollars goodbye. (Although, its not like we had never seen wasted tax money before and now with Obama, it seems to be quite common.... AGAIN I AM SIDETRACKED...)

I wanted to just say how enjoyable it has been to be wrong and to say thanks. Thanks to the Cardinals for keeping up their end of the deal. They not only took us to the Superbowl, they gave us a fabulously exciting game. And I may be a bit biased, but I still stand by the theory that the Cardinals won and that both feet did not touch the ground inbounds in that last play. We saw the stills and the replays over and over and I am not convinced.. and I am not the only one.

So props to you Cardinals. Im looking forward to next season. --A new fan--

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Friday, January 30, 2009

Where did the time go?

I was uploading pictures from my camera onto the computer and started looking back on the old pics. Everyone said time would fly by and to enjoy the "tiny time" as much as possible. 18 months later Im wishing I had a few of those moments back. (Just not the colicky ones.)

Charmer...

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Complaints

So I am torn between wanting to defend my last post. I know I have lots to be thankful for and no life is not that bad and I know we all have our little bouts with "hard life" So I just want to say thanks for the help. But -- I just needed to vent.

On the flip side I super glad to know someone out there is actually reading this insanity!

THAT'S QUIRKY

So I got this TAG a long time ago, I just never did follow through. I will do so now. Basically ya get to list "quirky" traits or tendencies about yourself. Maybe I put it off cause there were just way too many to list. But I have narrowed down to just a couple.

1. I eat my M&M's in groups. I will explain. If I were to grab a handful of M&M's I have to see which color I have the least of, I then eat the colors I have more of until I have the equal amounts of each color. Then I eat them in groups so I always have the same number of each color. This would also apply to Skittles (although I dont eat Skittles nearly as often)

2. I hate seeing random tape hanging up places. I used to work in a cubicle and management would hang up papers for reference. They would last a while until they finally fell off, leaving a strip of tape on the wall, holding nothing up. It drove me nutty nuts. On slow days at work I would sit and pick the tape off the wall and fold it up into a little ball o tape for the day. The more the tape, the more successful the day. I sat at different cubicles just so I would have tape to clean up. Today, I was in my bosses office for a conference call and I noticed some tape on a cabinet in there. It took everything I had not to sit and pick it off during the call. I would have if I was the only person in there but there were three of us and they already think Im crazy.

3. I always have to break down numbers in funny ways. Im always trying to find ways that they relate to each other. I hope I can start to explain this to make this kinda make sense. An easy example: My suite number at work is 101 as in 1+0=1. Seems dumb, but it gets worse with phone numbers. Take mine for example. 518-5067. I pick it apart and so I see it as if I start with 5 and add 1 eventually you get to 8. But if you were to add 5 to 0 you would still have 5 then 6 and 7. I do this all the time. I think it comes from too many math classes with those fill in the next number in a sequence problems. It drove me nuts when I watched Lost because I kept trying to find some reasoning behind the number sequence in the reoccuring magic numbers. But any group of numbers or sequence of numbers...lock combinations, phone numbers, etc. get overanalysed just trying to see some pattern or way the relate. EEKE.

4. Vacuuming. This one is especially OCD of me. I love having carpet that leaves vacuum lines. (Which I currently dont have) When I vacuum, I vacuum so it leaves perfect little triangles (kinda like the carpet cleaners leave) and each line of triangles matches up with the next line and are the same size. I also vacuum myself out of the room so that there are no footprints and no odd vacuum lines interrupting my little lines of triangles. I have messed up my triangles and started over just to get them just so. Funny considering I am not a neat freak.

These are just some of my quirks. So now, whoever would like to make me feel a little less freakish can post their quirks on their own blog or as a comment. Or if you have any insight as to what these quirks are correlated with or what they tell you about me, that would be fun too. I love playing psychologist, dont you???

Monday, January 26, 2009

Bad attitude

These past couple weeks have been a pain. The other front office lady has been out sick and so I have spent my days running around like a crazy lady hoping I can get everything done. Leave it to the central billing office to choose these past 2 weeks to roll out 3 different "projects" to work on during our downtime (but have done by the end of the week...) I couldn't even get the regular stuff done.... So I have come home from work every night, exhausted.
Add to that a yearly physical that turned into a blood test cause my body is out of control right now. Add to that the insurance not covering the meds to help said crazy out of control body be normal (or as normal as possible.) I have been told if I don't get my health under control I will have major problems. (Cause the ones now aren't major yet. I guess.)
Add to that Reed being sick for a week. (Read: Grouchy baby and snot on my shoulder, at all times. I have stopped wearing black because of it.) Add to that Reed's check up where we got referred to an ENT specialist because he has sleep apnea and needs his adenoids removed.
Add to that I have to give up or at least minimize my Diet Pepsi cause of above health problems. Cant imagine how I could make it through the day w/o my pepsi.
Add to that the nurse also told me I needed to take "me time". HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I could keep adding but my head hurts too much--another perk of my health problems.

So I have decided I have a bad attitude.

But I walked into work today and I wasn't alone.
And while waiting for the Dr. today, Reed made me laugh out loud when he told me no and shook his head at me. (This will probably be the only time I think its funny but his verbal skills are still limited and I love when he uses his big boy words)
And the sandwich lady at Sprouts greeted me by name today.
And I get done with work in 2 minutes
And I have dinner and a movie waiting for me at home (dinner, thanks to mom, and a movie courtesy of Reed and PIXAR)
So I have to remember that I have things to have a good attitue about.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Lil Monkey

Friday, January 16, 2009

I see an emergency room in your future.....

Today I was talking to mom when I realized Reed had disappeared from sight. This is where I found him. Luckily I had my phone on me. What did we do before picture phones? How else would I have captured such obvious parental negligence for all the world to see? This is a 6 ft block wall and he was dead set on getting to the top of it. I believe this is a big indicator of just how fun my "boy raising" experience will be. Pray we survive.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Bad boys...

So last night I was up all night trying to get caught up with Season 4 of Lost so Ill be ready for Season 5. Im so excited!!! Anyway, as I was watching I got all swoony over Sawyer (again). He is my favorite! And it got me to thinking about my way too big problem with falling for the bad boys. So Im just curious about what everyone else's opinions on this. Who are your favorite bad boys and why? (Characters, not in real life)

As a help in getting you started, the little thinking I did brought me to the conclusion that there are different types or catagories for them. (IE: the Lothario, the Brooder, the Dangerous, the Crass. ) Im sure there are more types. So if you have another catagory to add or favorites in the catagories, leave a comment or email me (blueyedmle@msn.com) and eventually I wanna compile it into a theory of sorts.

As another little help to get you started, these are examples I have come up with so far:

The Lothario: "McSteamy" (Eric Dane) - Gray's Anatomy or
Daniel Cleaver (Hugh Grant) - Bridget Jones

The Brooder: Bob Howard (Vincent DOnofrio) - The Whole Wide World or
Mr. Rochester (Orson Welles) - Jane Eyre

The Dangerous: Lex Luthor (Michael Rosenbaum) - Smallville or
James "Sawyer" Ford (Josh Holloway) - Lost

The Crass: Stiffler (Sean William Scott) - American Pie or
Jeremy (Vince Vaughn) - Wedding Crashers

Thanks for your help in advance.... Im excited to see what others have to say.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Mean Mom...

One of Reed's already developed "man traits" is his ability to watch his movies undistracted by stuff going on around him. Its really funny as my dad can do this too. One of my favorite things to do is poke him, say his name over and over again, or just say "hey, hey, hey..." until he looks over at me. IT TAKES FOREVER, but this is his usually response.

You can see his little boy self wanting to scream out, "leave me alone, mom. Mater's on."

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

My Fortune Cookie

Feeling a bit indulgent today, I decided to go to Panda for lunch. MMM. Love the Orange Chicken and the Beijing Beef. Anyways. I thought I would share my very insightful fortune with y'all.

"The world will soon be ready to recieve your talents."

I know, I laughed too.
My first response was. Oh, oh my book. (As other things seem to be guiding me in that direction too.) But the more I thought about it I decided to list just some of the possible "talents" this particular fortune might be referring to:

*** My stinging and insightfully bitter sarcasm. Touche!

*** My shocking flexibility allowing me to insert my foot in my mouth despite my portliness.

*** My amazing ability to change the lyrics to songs to fit the current circumstances of my life.
I make Wierd Al look like a novice. Specially the time my version of an Enya song came out, "Who can say why your lover, humps another, only time...." A classic.

*** My trite, but never tiring verses written with magnet poetry.

*** My ability to replay stupid things I said over and over again in my head and come up with
better, wittier things I should have said instead.

*** My ability to produce the absolutely incorrect emotional response to life situations. (ie: laughing when I should be somber, crying when laughing, and snorting when trying not to appear animal like....)

*** My ability to recall movie lines from films I saw years ago, yet my inability to recall where I set down my keys moments earlier.

And my personal favorite:
*** My ability to spill food at the exact spot on my chest every time I wear a brand new white shirt.

So. Watch out world, get ready, cause my talents are coming soon to an awkward situation near you.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

First and Foremost....

So we were looking at the blog the other day at work and a coworker/friend was giving me a hard time about my profile. He asked why moms always say, Im a mom "first and foremost". I told him he was obviously not a parent and didn't understand just how time or life consuming it is. But he gave me crap none the less. He said it was trite and I needed to fix it. So for you Kris... I have revised my profile.
After writing this and changing my profile I have come to the conclusion that I just need to learn how to tell people to just "jump off" and not be so accomodating to people's crappy opinions.
From now on when people ask I will say that I am a smart ass --First and Foremost! :)

On a completely different train of thought, after looking back at the stupid Photo tag post, I have decided I have a gigantic nose and have shyed away from the camera since. It is now added to my list of way too big body parts which include my arms, my ass and my thighs. Notice boobs did not make the list (sad face) LOL. On a happier note, my ankles did not make the list. Although they topped it during my last 2 months pregnant with Reed, they have since returned to a respectable, dainty circumference.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

A few last looks at 08

Our imported snowman...

Our imported snowman..... the next day :(

"Look what I can do Mom.... "

Merry Christmas!!

Chillin with my pals

" HEY PAPA!!! IM READY!!! LETS GO FISHIN!"

" Thanks Daddy, Im cruisin now "

Monday, December 22, 2008

Dont ya hate it when.....

So after I uploaded this, I realized it looked kinda gross. But anyways... As I am a fatty I have candy in my drawer at work. And it being Monday, I was glad for the stash. But I was a little sad when I pulled up the Reese's and the bottom stuck. I just hate when that happens. It messes up the perfect chocolate to peanut butter ratio that is the Reese's peanut butter cup.
I know, I know...Spoken like a true fat girl....

Recliner heaven

I love this kid. Honestly. So I was putting back together the carseat after washing the cover to get it ready for storage and left the room for a second. When I came back I found Reed chillin in it like it was a recliner or something.

On a different note... The carseat is in great shape (neutral for either girl or boy) and I would love to pass it on to someone in need. I also took down the crib the other day (as he never slept in it) and if someone has a good home for either just let me know.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

PHOTO TAG --- AKA GAG

So, the point of this horrible tag...(THANKS A LOT STU) is to post pics that you wouldn't normally post on your blog...
This one is after a week of camping.... What a beauty!

Being stupid with Sarah......

Whoever thought this was a cute idea.... Really. Preganacy pics are horrible... The only justice in this pic is that James looks even worse than I do.

And last but not least, post labor pics.... (I think Im still buzzin from the morphine)

So, I now pass on the pleasure of this tag to: Jen, Mom Christensen, and Nicki.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

18 hours....

I remember hearing a speaker at stake conference once talk about the pioneers and how those who pulled handcarts were limited to 18 pounds of personal belongings on the trip. He went on to explain that our trial is not a limitation of personal belongings but a limitation of time. If you take out 6 hours for sleep (which is pretty close to what we all get) we are limited to 18 hours in the day. I thought this was a fabulous parallel and it stuck.
Yesterday, a day off of work for me, was filled to the brim with things that HAD to get done. I had letters and packages to address and mail, copies to make, a little shopping to do, baking to be done, laundry, dishes, etc, etc, etc. There was no downtime. As I was bouncing from one thing to the next, I kept finding more and more things that I NEEDED to add to my list. It was exhausting. Poor Reed, got shuffled from one person to another all day long. Although much of my list was accomplished during his naps, I could see in his eyes a little look of "its my turn, Mommy". But the list prevailed. I'm embarrissed to admit that he spent the rest of the evening with Ella. She was so good to him, playing with him, getting him ready for bed and laying down with him to watch movies. I stopped long enough to lay down with him until he fell asleep and then I was at it again.
When my alarm sounded early this morning to get me up for work, I thought I was going to die. I am beyond exhausted, my legs sore. But the only thing I can think of is, not that I got a big chunk of stuff off my list, but that I had a whole day off of work and only spent about a cumulative hour with Reed. And the lesson from the talk so long ago came back to me.
So back to my original 18 pounds/hours. The pioneers had a limited 18 pounds. You better believe those 18 pounds were filled with the weight of very important things both spiritual and temporal. And here I was with my limited 18 hours that was filled with such silly, unimportant things that just HAD to be done. So, today, while I still have things on my list and will never have enough hours in my day, I think I will take some time and actually dedicate it to the more important things. No, not even the "more important things" but the most important things. Our (my) time should be as precious as those pounds were to the pioneers.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Christmas past-- Here's to you Spence

I dont know what it is about this time of year that makes one (me) get sentimental. I think its that with all the festivities there are more opportunities for memories to actually keep. My brain get less and less efficient as I get older and I need those sense triggers to help me out. One of the memories that keeps circling in my brain is the second Christmas I spent in Montana. Mission Christmases were always very memorable and as I shared some of my feelings from the first, I wanted to share an experience I had just before I returned home.
As I mentioned in the previous blog, the first Christmas was filled with homesickness and I found reassurance through music. My second Christmas was spent with much less homesickness and far more "taking in" as much as I could before I left. It was spent visiting families and funning with the Elders in the same apartment complex. It was spent busy with teaching opportunities and tying up loose ends. With all this bustle there was no time to feel anything but excitement. And then I got the call that stopped me in my tracks.
I'll never forget the shake in Stu's voice as she said, "he's gone, Martin..." I didn't really understand what she was saying. After a few more sentences that I dont really remember hearing, I put it together. A very close friend of mine, Elder Platt, had died in a car accident the day before.
Platt, or Spencer, was one of my boys. Those of you who know me, know I always seem to collect "boys" everywhere I go. He was added in after I threw out a smart ass comment about one of the elders who was playing basketball without his shirt on. He was giving me trouble about checking the elder out and I just laughed and said if I was gonna look at a guy I would wanna look at a man not a stick. From then on he was a puppy that always seemed to follow close behind.
We followed each other around the mission, always running into each other at District and Zone Conferences. At first, I was kinda bugged by his attention, but after a while I came to depend on his excitement to run into me and tell me everything he had been up to. He became a little brother.
My favorite memory was when we were helping fix up a mobile home for a very large, very poor member of a ward in our District. Their daughter, about 4 at the time, followed him around all day and called him Prince Phillip. He was sweet and played along. He never lived it down and we forever called him Prince Phillip.
All the time spent around him came rushing back, kinda like now, when the call came and I crumpled. Luckily it was prep day and I didn't have to put on a mask. I was able to have a good cry. I went about the rest of the week, numb. Our Zone Conference, usually a big celebration at Christmas time, turned into a memorial. And while it felt good to share memories and feelings, it hurt to even try to enjoy our meeting.
Finally, after about a week of moping around and just keeping it all in, I remember falling apart again. I remember falling down on my knees, crying out Why? And so quickly and so very clearly my question was answered with another question. "What have you been teaching these people all this time?" I was struck. It hurt. Here I was at the end of my mission and I still didn't get it. What had I been teaching all this time? How could I teach it over and over and over and still not get it?
It was one of those moments when you realize that religion, that tenets and beliefs are not just abstract concepts. They had real life application. While I was still smarting from the forceful nature of the answer, I found a peace that I had never felt before. I knew that he was looking down on me, shaking his head, and letting me know he was busy being a missionary, if not in Montana anymore. Its funny how trite that sounds. How many times do we say, "they are in a better place", or "the Lord needed them on the other side" when we really haven't had the opportunity to grasp what we are saying. But, I knew it. And I felt comfort from both Platt and Heavenly Father.
Now, so many years later, he still comes to mind every Christmas. And I am reminded of my not so subtle lesson. And I hope, that when I get to cross my finish line, that he will be waiting with a big smile just as excited to see me then as he was every time we ran into each other in Montana.
Merry Christmas, Spence. I miss you!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

The forgotten verse

My favorite Christmas song has always been "O Holy Night". Im not sure why it was in the beginning, but as I got older and life got more... well, lifelike, it took on a whole new meaning. The sad part is, as it gets played over and over again on the radio, they take out the best verse, the second verse. And in a world so cold and difficult, it seems to be the verse we need to hear the most.

O holy night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of our dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
'Til He appear'd and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! O, hear the angels' voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born;
O night divine, O night, O night Divine.

Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,
Here come the wise men from Orient land.
The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friend.
He knows our need, to our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before Him lowly bend!
Behold your King, Behold your King.

Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;
And in His name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! O praise His Name forever,
His power and glory evermore proclaim.
His power and glory evermore proclaim.

I remember being in Helena just before Christmas and singing with the ward choir. We were practicing this song (for the first time) and we got to the second verse and I just fell apart. I was a greenie and so homesick and so overwhelmed with mission life. It was one of those moments where you know the clouds are opening up and you know that the verse was written just for you at that very moment. I cried for pretty much the rest of the day.

This year, a billion lifetimes since, I keep hearing it on the radio, missing my verse. But I still apreciate the message as it is and cry, if not quite as much. And everytime I hear, "fall on you knees" as an adult, I can say I know what that means. I know why every knee will bow and every tongue confess. I know what it must be like to wash the Lord's feet with my tears. And I can hope and truly feel my worth because Christ was born and fulfilled his mission. May we all realize our worth, recognize what we are really celebrating this Christmas season and may that knowledge guide us to fulfill our own missions in this life.

I love you all.