Wednesday, January 7, 2009

My Fortune Cookie

Feeling a bit indulgent today, I decided to go to Panda for lunch. MMM. Love the Orange Chicken and the Beijing Beef. Anyways. I thought I would share my very insightful fortune with y'all.

"The world will soon be ready to recieve your talents."

I know, I laughed too.
My first response was. Oh, oh my book. (As other things seem to be guiding me in that direction too.) But the more I thought about it I decided to list just some of the possible "talents" this particular fortune might be referring to:

*** My stinging and insightfully bitter sarcasm. Touche!

*** My shocking flexibility allowing me to insert my foot in my mouth despite my portliness.

*** My amazing ability to change the lyrics to songs to fit the current circumstances of my life.
I make Wierd Al look like a novice. Specially the time my version of an Enya song came out, "Who can say why your lover, humps another, only time...." A classic.

*** My trite, but never tiring verses written with magnet poetry.

*** My ability to replay stupid things I said over and over again in my head and come up with
better, wittier things I should have said instead.

*** My ability to produce the absolutely incorrect emotional response to life situations. (ie: laughing when I should be somber, crying when laughing, and snorting when trying not to appear animal like....)

*** My ability to recall movie lines from films I saw years ago, yet my inability to recall where I set down my keys moments earlier.

And my personal favorite:
*** My ability to spill food at the exact spot on my chest every time I wear a brand new white shirt.

So. Watch out world, get ready, cause my talents are coming soon to an awkward situation near you.


Jeanne said...

Hey, I have that same food/white shirt talent...AMAZING!!!

I think you rock Em!! I miss ya! One day Matt and I will be out in AZ and we'll have to meet up...WOO HOO!!!

Lovin Family said...

You crack me up!

Flying Princess said...

We must be related. You forgot your awesome humor and ability to make everyone laugh.

Thanks for finding me.