Thursday, April 8, 2010

Standing corrected

Many commented (though not directly on the blog) and expressed concern after my last post. I appreciate all the love and support of my friends and family. Rest assured, I am ok. I am struggling with the stress of everyday life compounded with my lack of thyroid. Its tough to keep a positive perspective at times. I am glad to report that as the days pass, work becomes less stressful (or at least more do-able) and I am starting to see glimmers of my old self and energy returning. Thank goodness for replacement meds. They make me sick, but not taking them is far worse.

My lamp has been a little, ok -- a lot, empty recently. Workings Sundays is a tough gig. But I was able to catch the first session of both Saturday and Sundays General Conference and was glad I had made the effort.

After just a few minutes listening, I came to a conclusion. Only one of two things were possible. The first, that this conference was meant entirely for only me. It seemed to speak to everything I was feeling. All my doubts, all my frustration, all my weariness was recognised and addressed. The second, that Im not the only one out there wondering how much longer I can continue. I am now convinced the second is correct.

Its funny how when in our low points of life, when doubt creeps in, we start to look longingly at others "so called" trials and think, "they have it so easy. I could handle that, no problem. Why can't my life be like theirs." I admit, this has been my attitude as of late. Being dismissive of others troubles, being impatient with others gripes. My response has mostly been, "I wish I had it so bad...."

The conference retaught me something that I thought I had mastered a long time ago. Compassion. We are all struggling. None of us has is "easy" right now. It didn't help for me to rate others trials against mine. It didn't lift me or them. It didn't help me learn my lessons any faster. It didn't make my load any lighter. But most importantly it didn't provide the strength or love to friends that they needed and that was my responsibility to give.

So here is my public apology, an owning up of sorts and a thanks for sticking by me. Im not gonna lie and say I will be Sally Sunshine from here on out. But I will be working on keeping a proper perspective and not getting so lost in my self pity.