Thursday, August 28, 2008


So Im driving home from work yesterday and the Five for Fighting "Superman" song came on. This song first came out while I was in Montana. I remember driving home at the end of a hard day, and listening to Delilah. I know, I know, missionaries arent allowed to listen to the radio. But it was Delilah and we tried to justify it as being uplifting. But I digress....
Anyway, I remember when I first heard the Superman song. I just cried and cried. I could so relate. Trying to be perfect and just struggling. At the time, I thought it was a new Dave Matthews Band song, as they have a very similar sound. And being a huge Dave fan, it made it that much more memorable.
Sorry I keep getting sidetracked. Anyway the song came on yesterday on my way from work. Now my life is so far from that point 7 years ago. (has it really been that But the song still hits me much the same as it did now. So for all of you who are like, I dont get what is so special about that song, I will elaborate. If you have never heard it, go download it.

I think its all about persona. We all walk around with this false self. Or this self that we want people to think we are. We all do it. Im just as guilty as the next guy. Anyway, once we have built this persona or this "public image" we spend the rest of our days trying to keep up with the expectation the precedence has set. And its damn tiring. So the song is saying I may be Superman, but damn it, give me some room for error and imperfection. I spend a lot of my days lately with my flaws staring me down almost to defeat. So I think a lot of the persona I crafted so early on in my 20s has since crumpled... But damned if I dont keep trying to rebuild. Why am I trying to rebuilt that?

I remember back in my college days, I was fascinated with Psychology. I loved my Psyc classes. I need to go back. But anyway, I remember in my Personality Development class we talked about our True Self, our Ideal Self and our perspective of our Self. There was this diagram of Circles representing each. And the more they overlapped, the healthier (mentally) the person was. I suppose you could throw a circle in there for our "persona self" but the more I think about it our Ideal self is usually the persona we put on anyway.

Anyway, there will always be some discrepancy between the Selves. That is life. And while it is healthy to have the differences as small as possible, it is also good to recognize that there are discrepancies and that and really that is good. Confused? Sorry. The discrepancies are healthy as long as you use them as a catalist for change. See the differences cause stress which if used properly becomes a push to improve and become more like the ideal self.

This blog turned into so much more than I was planning. Anyway I guess my point was:

Life is tough. Be nice to others when they dont live up to the persona. Be nice to yourself when you dont live up to your persona. And just keep chuggin along and slowly your circles will get closer and closer.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008


I feel sorry for people who dont have cute kids. I think Reed is beyond adorable. I dunno if I have just turned into one of those people who just "think" their kids are the cutest or if I should get him an agent. Either way, I think he is a charmer.

Reeds 1st haircut

Reed got his first haircut yesterday. It was getting so long, he was way past due. I was afraid it would be impossible but Nicki was prepared with suckers and was amazingly quick.


1.YOUR REAL NAME: Emily Martin
2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle.) Emizzle (doesn't work so well for me....
3.YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal) pink crocodile
4.YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street) Ann Pueblo
5.YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 3 letters of mom's maiden name) Maremrob
6.YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink) Green pepsi
7.YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (Mother's middle name and father's middle name) Anita Duane
8.YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets) Black Rhoda (I dont have a current pet so I had to use the late hampster Rhoda... may she rest in peace.

Funny! Now go and do it.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Flashbacks from my earlier days in the circus

So, for some reason, Thursday night, Reed decided to resort back to his colicky days. I actually think this was worse, but my memory of those sleepless nights are vey foggy, cause I was very foggy back then. Either way, Reed cried from 7 pm (usual sleep time) to 3:30 am. He would fall asleep for about 15 minutes and then wake up screaming. When I tried to calm him, it became pretty clear that he was still asleep. So I listened to this all night. Just when I thought he was finally good and deep asleep and about the time I was falling asleep it would start up again. NOTHING PRODUCES INSANITY FASTER THAN THIS!!! So finally about 3:30pm as it started again, and I started to lose it as I had been training the new girl all week and I was tired from that and a cranky Reed the night before, I finally picked him up, walked him over to grandma's and burst into tears as I explained that I needed at least 2 hours of sleep to survive Friday.

Mom, being wonder woman that she is said: "you should have brought him in earlier." I just continued to blubber and cry and then just walked back to the apartment (still hearing Reed screams behind me) It took me a bit to calm down so I could sleep but I crashed hard and before I knew it my alarm was blaring 5:30 alreadly. There were not enough four letter words in the English language or any other for that matter to express my feelings.

Last night, thank heavens, was much better.... Just woke up screaming 3 times. (Night terrors.... not colic, not bad night habits... just night terrors. Ive been all over the internet trying to find some sort of quick fix but to no avail. Mom said I just need to make sure he is absolutely awake and then he will go back to sleep, but really there is no real solution to keep it from happening. But I will keep looking cause Im going nutty nuts)

Anyway, I dont know what my point in all this was. Maybe to say, thanks mom. Maybe to say wow, now I know why she is crazy. Maybe just to vent. And a lot of it to say, single parenthood sucks. But thank heavens we have hit the weekend and I can try to catch up. Either way, Im gonna go take a nap.

Monday, August 18, 2008


So I was emailing pics to Nan for a mutual activity she is having and I ran across my birthday cake. I know its been a month since, but I had to give mad props to Nan for the cake she made for me. A tribute to Jimmy Buffett at my request, she made this FINS cake for Margie's and my birthday. YEAH!!! Be impressed.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

"Honk for Jesus"

So I'm driving down the road today. Reed screaming because he doesn't want to be in his carseat. I get to the corner of Gilbert and Southern and there is this guy with a huge sign. (Now people on the corner with huge signs happen all the time, but for some reason I actually looked to see what it said.) I was expecting a CARWASH sign or something of the sort but it said "HONK FOR JESUS". OK.... SO religious zealots are not unusual in Mesa. Go down main street and you will see the wierd Hand Dancer guy (if you live in Mesa you know who I am talking about) that says his hands dont keep still cause of his joy for Jesus. I think hes nutty nuts. But thats ok. OR there is also the guy that walks around that same area with a huge cross. Sometimes he comes out for the Easter Pagent or Christmas lights or even around the seminary buildings to tell all the Mormons they are going to hell. But never have I actually seen someone with a HONK FOR JESUS sign.

So me being the brat I am started thinking. If you are gonna do something for Jesus, you should at least make it more productive. I wish I would have had the time and I would have gone to the next street corner with a sign that says something like... "Be nice to each other for Jesus, Drive safe for Jesus, Serve for Jesus." And while I am glad that someone is trying to remind us of Christian values, holding a sign up saying "honk for Jesus" just doesn't quite strike me as a useful time spent.

So as Im getting ready to type this out it comes to me. And I know I might have said something before about my theory. But it is kinda like our prayers. When we pray is it just a "shout out" of thanks? When we ask for something is it just a request for something needed or wanted? If it is, I think we (cause Im just as guilty as the next person) I think we need to rethink what we are asking for. Insead of asking for a, b, or c, ask for the spirit to guide you on how to obtain it. For example: It drives me super crazy when people pray for the missionaries. Especially when they ask for the missionaries to find people to teach. (Now this is most likely because of my mission days and members prayers are not enough to keep missionaries busy.) Instead, pray that you will recognize your own missionary opportunites and have the courage to follow through.

So before you start getting the hypocrite stones out, believe me I am just as guilty. But dont you think its refreshing for the Lord to actually have someone being proactive instead of just asking for things to be handed to them. How refreshing for someone simply to be able say: I know I will have the guidance I need from you Lord, this is my goal, please just help me recognize Your guidance when it comes and help me not be scared to follow through. I think that second part is critical and usually my critical downfall.

Ok so enough of my sermon. But next time you wanna do something for Jesus, honking or telling others to honk is probably not very effective. And just praying for stuff without putting in some effort on your part is probably not much different.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

A whole new meaning for porta potty

Ok so I know up til now this has been adorable pics of Reed and the fam. But I just had to share with you all the beauty of our new state of the art trailer hitch. If this doesn't scream white trash I dont know what does. But I tell you boys... You dont know how hard it is to be a girl camping. Squattin, legs as far apart as possible while still maintaining balance, trying not to pee on your ankles is NOT FUN. Neither is running around with pee pee toes cause you inevitably splash. Enter the tailgaiting potty. Just dig a hole and you are good to GO. Literally. It is P-U-tiful.

Can we please go home now???

Cookies with Grandma

The Whole Fam-Damily

The sisters

Reed and Abram

It wasn't until the last day that we realized how easy it was to entertain the boys and keep them out of trouble. The back of the truck was perfect for keeping them corralled.

Girls go nuts for Wrangler butts

Grumpy old men

This little piggy.....

This is Reed's first bite of bacon. Notice he is jamming it into his face. Funny considering I rarely eat bacon and think most pork products are revolting. (I just tell people I should have been Jewish or I refuse to be a cannibal.)


Reed loved using Abram's baby pack. Aunt Nan was his very own horsie and he would bounce up and down whenever she got "lazy" and wasnt moving fast enough.

Reeds 1st Campout

First of all, I just need to say.... WHAT WAS I THINKING? A one year old, camping. Thanks to my family for helping me to wrangle him in and keep me sane. Or as sane as possible.
It was a very pleasant trip, for all the chasing down Reed and trying to keep him out of trouble and entertained. (No sponge bob...) It was wonderful to escape from the heat. It was pretty much overcast and cool, and rained every afternoon. Reed loved being outside but hated that we still tried to contain him. He refused to wear shoes and so I had to keep him close by away from the catclaw and ant hills.
We had trouble at night, at least the first night. Reed didn't have a nightlight and woke up crying every hour or so. So Papa drove into ShowLow and bought him his own little LED lantern so he could keep it on all night. After that we slept much better.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008


I returned from my little jaunt to Tucson yesterday evening. (A day early) It was pretty overwhelming and exhausting to take in all the information that was given to us so all of our group skipped out early. The only problem is it leaves me needed just one more credit hour for my licensure. ..

All in all it was a good experience, but between me missing Reed, reports of Reed having a hard time, differing opinions in the instructors philosophies and being surrrounded by a large number of nut cases (These things always seem to draw them....) I was ready to be home. Thanks to my new friend Natalie for the ride home. (The day before I was supposed to leave my truck broke down. So I was dependant on others to get me around while I was there)

I learned a lot of very interesting information concerning food healing and thing of that nature. I also found a great respect and love for the actual practice of Qigong. I know you all have seen it in movies, much like Tai Chi it is this slow controlled movement that becomes almost a dance as you move from one form to another. The instructor went on and on about spirituality and Natalie and I laughed as we listened to him basically teach the plan of happiness, minus the most critical part. The Atonement. It was fascinating. When he started talking about past lives, he lost me. But oh well. The hardest part was trying to find a good balance between my beliefs and his when it came to healing. See the whole point of this conference was to teach us how to harness the Qi (chi, meaning life force or energy) to enhance our massage or other healing. I felt on shaky ground as he proclaimed that through the Qigong we could learn to manipulate the Qi and with the blessing of the "creator" we could produce miracles. I have yet to decide exactly how I feel about this concept. While I believe in miracles, and that we as individuals we can be a major factor in producing miracles in others life, it seemed hard to allow that I could use this Qi to produce miracles by "laying on of hands and Qi power. My first response, was "that is not my responsibility, I do not have that authority (meaning preisthood authority)" but I do also know that miracles happen through faith even when the priesthood is not present. I still struggle to really put into words why I was left uneasy or skeptical. When expaining it to mom her way of trying to mirror what I was trying to say was, "were you just concerned about what source you were tapping into." I think she hit it dead on. Much like people who try to connect with the "dead" or play with metaphysical energies beyond their understanding, was I tapping into something not really understood by anyone, and was I messing with things that are better left alone?
The only answer I could come to some balance in is INTENTION. Intention was a termed we used a lot in massage. Am I claiming the ability to produce miracles, no. Am I wanting to promote relaxation, good energy, health, and stress relief to my clients and myself yes. So in the end, I took away with me a beautiful form of relaxation, exercise, and meditation. New concepts of nutrition and health. And the realization or reaffirmation that there is a lot of truth out there, but you have to filter through a lot of garbage sometimes to get to it.

Friday, August 1, 2008


So after getting caught up with my pal Jeanne's blog, I was tagged with this. Im way behind cause Im so new at this blog stuff. I will say what she did... If you haven't done this yet, Then Tag... you can do this too. Im sure you are familiar with the rules so I wont bother posting them.

1. What were you doing 10 years ago?
1998- going to school at MCC. I was having a grand time participating in ridiculous classes like Honors Theater Make Up and Honors Personality Development (psyc class) It was fantastic. I was the theater make up room manager and worked on all the plays the college put on. GOOD TIMES!

2. 5 things on my things to do list today...
1. Laundry
2. Pack for Tucson
3. Pack for camping
4. Clean my apartment
5. Watch a couple more lost episodes (Im such an addict)

3. 5 snacks I enjoy...
1. Pig cookies (they have some spanish name I dont remember)
2. Peanut butter M&Ms
3. String cheese
4. Celery and peanut butter
5. Turtle Chex Mix

4. What would I do if I became a millionaire?
Pay off debt, buy a house and a car with 4 doors. Invest well so I could be a multimillionare.

5. 3 Bad Habits..............
1. Complaining!!!
2. Saying sorry when it isn't my fault.
3. Saying bad words...
(notice all of these things are about not being able to control my mouth!!)

6. 5 Places I have lived....
1. Mesa, Arizona (will I be here forever?)
2. Anchorage, AK - best summer ever
3. Helena, MT (I loved it there
4. Livingston, MT (I know I already said Montana, but I dont move around a lot and it is close to my heart.)
5. Apache Junction, AZ - horrible horrible place... so close to Mesa, but a foreign land.

7. 5 Jobs I have had....
1. Waitress
2. 411 Operator
3. Cashier at Target
4. Massage Therapist
5. Receptionist

8. 5 things you probably dont know about me...
1. I am deathly afraid of clowns... hate them!!!
2. I wanted to be a nurse when I was little.
3. I refuse to eat at Waldo's BBQ.
4. I have to sleep with at least one foot uncovered at night. (preferrably both)
5. I like to hunt scorpions and then drown them in my toilet. They fight and try to swim, but end up sitting on the bottom of the toilet til they die.