Happy Halloween

So...If you have to shave a head for a halloween costume, you MUST take a couple mohawk pictures too....Reed didn't seem to agree.

SHREK!

Reed still didn't seem to get the concept of people wanting to give him candy, so we only visited a couple people. When we went home, he did realize that we were passing out candy to people coming to our door. He then proceeded to help himself to a piece of candy everytime someone at the door got one. He really liked that part. Maybe next year...

Greener Grass

So after a few not posted comments to my blog, a few observations from both myself and my mom, a very amazing talk on Sunday, and a temple recommend interveiw with my bishop (I KNOW--ARE YOU EXCITED AS I AM?), I have come to the conclusion that I have a very bad attitude.

I have decided that the current set of challenges are God's current lesson plan to teach me how to be happy, no matter what. Bishop empathized with me and said that this is probably one of the toughest lessons to learn. I assured him that God was not scrimping on the lessons....

So I woke up today, exhaused, but happy for Friday. I had a renewed goal to be happy, to be grateful, to be content.

This was going well. And then the physical therapists started in on me at work, and have been relentless. Close to tears before I ever made it to lunchtime, I thought what a stupid day to choose to start being Pollyanna! Unfortunately, I dont think circumstances at work or in life in general will change anytime soon. So, in an attempt to help my attitude, I will work on my current "life theory".

The grass is always greener on the other side.

We hear this a lot. What I have only started to ponder on is:

How did "their" grass get so green?

• Rainy Days
• Manure (I promised mom I would not use naughty words for this one...)
• Trimming
• Lotsa yard work

If this is the case, Im gonna have an amazing lawn!!! And eventually people will being looking at my greener grass with envy. Cause contrary to the 2009 Almanac, there has been an abundance of rain lately. Add to that, a load of manure spread evenly throughout the year.

So now I just got some trimming and some yard work to do. (See Dad's lessons on the $5 yard.)

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain

Yesterday's quote of the day came from the one and only L. Frank Baum. If you are scratching your head thinking, "who?" He was the writer of Wizard of Oz.
A few years back, while in NY for my sister's wedding reception, we took a quick little trip to visit his home town, Chittenango, NY. (ps I voted to take a trip to the city, but it never happened.... I was not happy.)
That should say it all... I should end this before I even begin. Cause honestly, the name fits the town. Its a tiny town that has only survived by clutching onto the fact that "the" Mr. Baum was was born there. Otherwise, it would be only what its name suggests. A rest-stop. To Sh** and then Go.... Anyway, this is all neither here nor there. It just helps to accent my disgust for Mr Frank Baum and his self importance.

The quote of the day read: I am convinced the only people worthy of consideration in this world are the unusual ones. For the common folks are like the leaves of a tree, and live and die unnoticed.

PALEEZE: Who the L. Frank Baum do you think you are? Give me a break.

Now I could go on and on about the power of one and give many quotes that conclude that Mr Baum is full of what tourists leave behind in their visit to his hometown.

So in response to Mr Baum's opinion on the common man, all I have to say is: PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN, HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT....

The Deal, AKA the Raw Deal

So a few days ago Mom told me I needed to do a follow up. She said that there were probably more than a few people thinking that I had cancer or something.
The good news is that the bad news is not health related. Although I have developed a head cold and the bad news may eventually effect my health....
But No, nothing so severe as that. As I mentioned before, at any other time in my life this wouldn't even be a blip on my radar. I woulda bitched about it for a day and then moved on. But not so. Its funny how all of the sudden things change when ya got a kid in tow. All the sudden you jump to how things effect them. Sure, at most its an inconvenience for me, but for Reed... its a complete change in routine. Which for a two year old is no small thing.... As some of you may know.
Anyway, work gave me a kind of ultimatum. I could move to the Central Phoenix office or I could get laidoff. When I asked for some kind of monetary compensation. They said no, I was just lucky to have a job.... ASSES!!!
So instead of the posh set up I had working 2 miles from home, working 4 days a week, working with people I like.... I now have a 45 minute commute (on a good day.... 25 miles from home), I work 5 days a week, with another front office girl that seems to be quite unhappy that I am here. (add to that the financial aspect.... another day of daycare to pay for and a whole lot more gas to pay for. And with the disappearance of child support, Im feeling a bit pinched.... More like sunk....)
So if you have recieved an email regarding my current job hunt. YEAH!!! Please keep an eye out. If you haven't, its probably cause you dont live in AZ. But if you have any out of state prospects worth looking into feel free to send them on. I would probably consider it at this point.

So to sum up. No, Im not dying. Im just really good at finding new things to bitch about.

There is just no way to title it....

Ok God. So I'm having a really hard time not thinking that you must totally hate me..... You gotta help me understand this one. Cause Im not and Im starting to feel a little (actually a lot) picked on. At any other time in my life, this would be nothing. But this is everthing, now. How do I fix it? How do I weather it? And what will it do to Reed?

Fortune Cookie Fun

Its been a while since I had a fortune that was worth sharing. But yesterday I went and got chinese from some whole in the wall place. The food was so-so, but I had a good laugh.

You maintain a sense of balance in the midst of great success.

I dont quite know what to make of it. At first I found it funny cause you know I am sooooo very successful. Then I realized maybe its not my success that I am in the midst of. Kinda like being the middle child. Studies show that middle children are the most well adjusted adults basically because they get ignored. (Ok, ok that isn't really the reason. ) Maybe I should say they are a bit overshadowed by the precedence of the oldest and the rotten monster shenanigans (that are considered cute, BTW) of the youngest.
But I dont have issues....HAHAHA.

So then I decided to list my great successes that I gracefully float through with a sense of balance. But after a couple I decided it was way too sarcastic and self depreciating... even for me.

So then I decided to brainstorm who else may be providing the surrounding great success that I manage to be surrounded by..... But I realize I surround myself with crazy more than anything else... So I scrapped that.

So.... I finally just decided to read said Fortune cookies thus:

You will maintain a sense of balance in the midst of your great success.

Dont worry, I wont forget all the "Little People" that helped make me who I am. HAHAHAHA
(SIGH)

Realities of War

(FYI: this is the one that broke my heart....)

Thank you to Joe for letting me use his pictures. So I have been following as best as I can the course of the war. I have seen friends leave and return. I have seen aquaintances not return. I have listened to those in power use it to further their political careers. And my opinion on its neccessity has swung back and forth like a pendulum.

None of this mattered when I saw the above pictures. See Joe, made it personal. For some reason seeing his sweet face out there in the heat surrounded by guns... (and not little guns for sport, but GUNS) broke me. I cried.

I held Joe as a baby. (He was Joey then...) I used to watch him now and again. I remember playing video games with him and being totally mad that he could beat me every time when playing some monster truck game. I remember his gloating because he did win every time.

So after much thought, this is my view.

If the war is necessary, then we need to give it our all. Stop stalling on sending more troops. When they say they need em, send em. They should have our 100% effort on this end. Cause God knows they are giving their 100% over there. After all... Mr President, This is originally the only thing the Federal government was originally intended for. Not for some TARP to save businesses that should be allowed to fail and for lining the pockets of those that got you into office. Not some bullshit Medical care coverage for illegal aliens, not some program teaching kids to sing praises to the almighty Obama. The only power and responsibility the federal government was intended for was for protecting the states as a whole from international threats and for building international relationships. So if this is the case, all the energy spent elsewhere right now needs to be refocused. If this is a necessary war, then get to work and fight this with all we got. Not half heartedly, in an attempt to please all the people and try to salvage a second term of office.

If the war is not necessary, then get us the hell outta there.

Now, notice I did not say whether I believed the war was necessary. I have no idea. I do find it telling that the President Elect Obama had big promises for removing us and now as President Obama has now decided not to follow through with his promises (although this doesn't say much considering how many of his promises have remainded unfulfilled-- Thank goodness!!). Now privvy to Presidential info, more troops have been sent. And more continue to be requested. Still, I can honestly say, I dont know. So I will leave you with this....

One is left with the horrible feeling now that war settles nothing; that to win a war is as disasterous as to lose one. - Agatha Christie

And to Joe, his buddies and all others fighting. My prayers are with you. I appreciate your willingness to serve.

Abide with Me

The other night I was listening to the IPod that was passed down to me. (Yes I still get hand me down, and gratefully BTW.) Random songs played and all of the sudden I found myself in tears listening to the Hailey Westerna version of Abide with Me.

The "funk" that I was experiencing a few weeks back has never really subsided. I am struggling against my natural tendency to become "bitter party of one". Now I know we all have our seasons, I know we all have our struggles. I get it. But guess what. There are only a few of you who get to go through those trials with no help meet. There are only a few of you who know what its like to not have a "soft place to fall." There are only a few of you who really get what its like to be celibate. (Especially after a season of not). So before anyone quickly responds with sweet condolences, dont. Cause honestly. It would test our friendship. I would get ugly, really ugly. Im just venting and taking the long way round to get to my point.

And to be quite honest, the point is more a reminder for me. Readers are just along for the ride. You may read and be sympathetic... BUT DO NOT TELL ME AS MUCH!!!! If I have one more pitiful look, I will scream. And again it will not be pretty. (But again, I digress....)

So while listening to the IPod, the waterworks turned on and I had a bitter, but healing cry. I think that sometimes music is the only way I survive and keep hope up when everything tells me there is no reason to hope or to try or to even bother. Since hearing the hymn, it has been constantly running through my head. Probably saving me from doing something really, really stupid.

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

I need Thy presence every passing hour.
What but Thy grace can foil the tempter's power?
Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through clouds and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.

If there was ever anyone watching the darkness deepen, if there was ever anyone feeling completely helpless and without comfort, it is me....
I see glimpses of comfort, but no long term answers to my pleas for help. So I will just keep singing my hymns and having a good cry now and again.

Looking for inspiration

So in an attempt to really get me enthusiastic about writing again, (I have had a bit of a dry spell lately), I have been looking for outside catalysts to help. This is what I have found so far.

-- What seems mundane and trivial is the very stuff that discovery is made of. Edward Lindaman

-- Better to write for yourself and have no public, than write for the public and have no self. Cyril Connolly

--Never hope more than you work. Rita Mae Brown

The last is now vinyl on my wall. But in order to be more "positive" its reads: Work as hard as you wish. I like it. (Although I think some days I tend to read and say, "I do not wish to work today....") But it got me motivated enough to open up my files and read the little I have already written. Now I just gotta commit to getting more down. Thanks to Amy for continuing to kindly remind me that I need to get to work.

Why wait....?

"In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you." Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen

I know I said I would wait a while, but I couldn't help myself. If you like Jane Austen, let me introduce you to my new friend, Elizabeth Gaskell. She is a contemporary or I suppose you could call her the next generation in English lit. And I have fallen in love with her writing. (And also with the BBC adaptations of her writing.)

"Margaret, do not dispise me; I have a heart, not withstanding all this good-for-nothing way of talking. As a proof of it, I believe I love you more than ever- if I do not hate you- for the distain with which you have listened to me this half hour. " North and South, Elizabeth Gaskell.

I think I am so infatuated with these authors because not only can they write a great man speech, they also write amazing man speech rebuttles, AKA: the refusal. Maybe next post Ill enter a few of the refusals. They crack you up. And when you aren't laughing at them, you are screaming back at them for being so stupid for refusing the diamonds in the rough.

I have now just realized I live too much in fantasy.... I need a real life.