Not long after boo-hoo-ing on my blog yesterday, I decided I needed a nap. (Reed was asleep and I had a chance!!!) But naptime went as usual. My mind started reeling about all the things that didn't get done this weekend and various other stresses. I yelled at my brain, trying to will it to stop for two seconds so I could rest and there it was.
"You have no power over me...."
For those of you without the "in my world" context, I will elaborate. This is a movie line (shocker) from The Labrynth. I love love love that movie, always have. Anyway, this girl messes up, gets her little brother taken away from her (who she was supposed to be watching) and has to go on this fantasy world wild goose chase to get him back. Finally at the end, faced with her brothers kidnapper (no less than the fabulous David Bowie) after playing his games for what seems like forever, she pauses and says... "You have no power over me..." Immediately the "Labrynth" around her shatters and the dream world she has been stuck in disappears and she is reunited with her brother.
This movie line became my mantra not long after I found out I was going to have Reed. All of the sudden, the reasons to stay in a bad situation didn't matter. I had the power. I realized the "fog" I was stuck in was all a false reality. Kinda like in Labrynth or Alice in Wonderland. I just had to stand up and take back my power. I was hellbent on making sure everyone saw that my powers had returned. I was a crusader. I have since mellowed, but realize I may have let a little too much of my wonder woman escape. So I think I was getting a big ol reminder to not cower or give in to the fog that is waiting, wanting to engulf me. And I knew this was a course in life I did NOT want to relearn.
As I was guided to remember my former mantra, I was also guided to pull out some old books on tape. The Amulek Alternative and The Simeon Solution both by Anne Osborn Poelman. One was sent to me in Montana by Shaunasee. (Shout out to you girly. Who knew your package would be even more helpful than it was so many years ago.) I put in the first tape that happened to be on the second side and I was too lazy to rewind (Oh we are spoiled these days...) and figured Id just listened to it from where it was. And the author was basically saying the exact same thing. She went on to reference the Joseph Smith story and the intense dispair he felt just before having his vision. The light came just before he felt he could no longer hold on and he was going to give himself up to the power binding him. So that triggered memories of the Michael McLean song, while trite and very dated, (I always loved Michael McLean) "Just hold on, the light will come." So between the two, I realized I was getting some answers. Just not exactly what I wanted. The knowledge that I have the power of choice and am far stronger than the storm that rages around me and the faith that the light, the safe harbor and the answers to my unending pleas will come was the answer I needed.
PS the books come HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. I just ordered hard copies from Amazon.
4 years ago