The Burly Lumberjack

I know, after the last post I was milking some major pity points. On the other hand some may be saying, "Emily isn't happy unless she is complaining about something." Which may be pretty accurate. And still some of you may just be asking what exactly a "burly lumberjack" would consist of... and why this would be the type a guy a girl (like me) would want. So I figured I would give you a little background on the evolution of the BURLY LUMBERJACK.

The term "Burly Lumberjack" dates back to my teen years and a much loved SNL skit. If I could stream media at work, I would try to find it on utube. Anways, it was a SNL commercial for all natural, biodegradeble tampons, made from tree bark. One of the tag-lines was, "It feels like a burly lumberjack between my thighs." I know, I know, my humor is so crass. Mom is now embarrissed and wants me to tell you that I didn't get it from her. (yeah, right I didnt) Dad would just be rolling his eyes and say, "damn kids" and trying to remember what horrible thing he did in his youth to warrent having 5 daughters.

But back to the tag line. I laughed til I cried. And it stuck. And so at the most random of times, I have to insert "feels like a burly lumberjack between your thighs" into conversations just for kicks. (Its a fun game to play, kinda like the "that's what she said" game. Its just a lot harder to find times that you can effectively insert it into a convo. But thats why its so genius.)

Anyway. From then on, when someone asked what kinda guy I wanted, it was a burly lumberjack. Maybe just cause it makes me laugh every time I hear/say it and maybe cause it captures so well what I want. So what is a burly lumberjack:

-- Cromagnon man meets Edgar from Men In Black (you know, the guy before his body gets taken over by the alien cockaroach...."Edgar skins hanging off your bones..." That guy.

-- As dad would put it, "Strong back, weak mind." (Which is not totally true. I want him to have brains, just enough to say "yes dear, what ever you like dear, I love you, baby."

-- A little bit of red-neckedness. Not that he is red when necked. (I might be) But that he is a bit hick. Thus the draw to places like Arkansas, Alaska and Montana.

-- At least 6 ft tall, at least 40 in waist, barrel chested. Why so big? Well, ladies, I was not blessed with an overly feminine frame. (Oh, you didn't notice, how kind of you!) And nothing makes a lady feel less ladylike than standing next to a wimpy or even average man. I always joked that if I couldn't wear his jeans, I didnt want to date him. I think it still stands, but unfortunately it rules out more men lately.. (sad face). Time to bust out the Turbo Jam. Anyway, I may not be small, but its nice to feel that way and the only way to feel that way is to stand next to a big bear of a man.

-- Hairy. Now, I must explain.... I luv, luv, luv scruff. The look of it. I dont like getting my cheeks raked raw from a kiss, but its a trade off. And well worth it. And while Im not a big fan of running my fingers through a man's back hair, unfortunately, it kinda comes with the territory. And a second down side is the direct correlation between great scruff/back hair and balding up top. What a wierd phenomenon. They grow it everywhere else but not where it should be. Luckily, my daddy was bald and so I see the beauty in it.

-- A Carnivore. I just cant respect a man that doesn't like steak. And I dont want to out eat a man...ever!!!

-- Finally and most important to qualify for the burly lumberjack title he has to be handy. ( NOT Handsy--you dirty mind you!!!) He's got to be able to take on a honey do list and actually do a resonable job at it, and not have to call a professional.

Ok, That was super fun. I hope after this read you will come to appreciate the loveability of a Burly Lumberjack as much as I do!!!

PS If anyone has a copy of the burly lumberjack from Great Falls, MT that is already scanned and "digitized" email it to me so I can post it. If I don't hear from you I will go digging to find my pics, cause he is definately worth posting with this one.