Wednesday, April 8, 2009


Im sitting here at work with a little over and hour to go. Today is one of those days... Ive been on the verge of crying all day long. Im over sensitive and feeling very under loved and under appreciated. Three cheers for PMS. (Im assuming this must be hormonal. Although stress may be another possible culprit as may be my lack of sleep as Reed had night terrors all night long.) So in a vain attempt to keep myself occupied long enough to get through the rest of this work day, I will now proceed to list things that would be less painful, or less frustrating or less difficult (etc, etc...) than today has been.

1. Banging my head on the wall would be less painful than today. (Any of you who are around me much realize this is my standard answer to "how ya doin" on a crappy day.)
2. Actually doing my taxes (that still arent done) would be less frustrating than today. (When does one cry uncle and actually pay someone to do this. I just cant see paying hundreds to not have to do my taxes...)
3. Balancing my fat ass on a tightrope would be less difficult than today. (The girthier --is that a word? GIRTHIER???-- I get the more clumsy I seem to get.)
4. Giving myself papercuts and then peeling citrus fruit would be less painful than today.
5. Waiting in line at the motor vehile dept would be less frustrating than today. (That makes me think of that show, I forget what its called, but anyway, Hell is actually located at the Motor Vehile Department. It was funny.)
6. Getting stuck in an elevator after eating very bad indian cusine and then trying not to fart would be less difficult than today. I dont even know how to elaborate on that one....
7. Walking through a bed of scorpions (which I have very bad reactions to) would be less painful than today. Speaking of which, its that time of year again. I have found 3 live and 1 dead in just the past week. EEK. I now wear shoes everywhere.
8. Trying to push start a car with a dead battery would be less frustrating than today. This actually happened when I was 9 months pregnant. AutoZone wouldn't jump start me for liability reasons. This was after trying (unsuccesfully) to get insurance coverage through the state. (Also less painful than today...) Funny how all the illegals quailfy, but not the white chick that isn't a crack addict.... End of the story, I rattled off a whole tongue lashing of profanities to the useless autozone employees and started waddling toward the bus stop. James ran over his foot trying to push start my car and while he did sucessfully start the car, he couldn't push the clutch in to be able to drive. When I finally got home I just sobbed. It was an all time low, me with my broke down car at DES, all knocked up and poor... But not poor enough or illegal enough to qualify for help... WOW did that take me down a not happy memory lane.
9. Listening to the American Idol rejects sing in a neverending chorus would be less painful than today.

OK so thats as far as I got. I cant seem to top #6. It definately wins. An old friend of mine used to say "Its not as bad a poke in the eye." all the time. (Or at least something close to that.) Well, old friend, I beg to differ!

Just a little disclaimer for all my dear friends ready to swoop in and talk me down from the edge. This was my therapy. I feel much better now. And this was written with a stream of sarcastic undertones. ( I KNOW--- ITS SUBTLE.) No need to worry. I feel much better now. I killed a half hour and only have another half to go... and LOST is tonight!!! Which means Thursday (my Friday) is tomorrow. All is not lost.... for me anyway. Not so sure about the survivors of Oceanic flight 815.

And just in case it is unclear (meaning you are completely stupid or just not familiar with the DSM-V) I am totally crazy. Certifiably. At least thats what the DSM-V says. But who isn't?


Jenn said...

LOL! I think I peed my pants at number 6! Oh, Emily, you are loved, and I'm sure there are countless people who appreciate everything you do for them, your family, and that sweet little boy of yours! Hope tomorrows better, because after all, "tommorrow is, another day!" (I know I know, you don't give a damn, right?) If I have to reference the movie quote for you, we're not friends anymore.

Blueyedmle said...

Gone with the wind... Or Chicken Little if you are stuck watching kid tv...

Jenn said...

I haven't seen a kid movie since Shrek. (that's what Grandparents are for) At least mine. They go to see kid movies when its just the two of them.

Adam and Emily said...

I like your style...see when I get fed up with the world...(alot like I am right now for my own reasons)I don't get wordy...I tend to just want to beat up someone. And if I picture myself beating up someone I don't like in great detail...It makes me feel a little better!

likefireworks said...

#2 - You could cry uncle which would be my dad and lucky you - he is an accountant! :)


Lunt Family said...

OK, Friday for sure we are getting together, I will call you and we can let the boys play while we talk. Girl talk is the best. Love ya.