Thursday, April 16, 2009

Baby cravings and other pitiful confessions

So I have a bit of a dilemma and have been rolling around in it for a while. I cant really think of a nice way of putting it all out there, so Im just gonna toss it to the wind so to speak and if it comes out rational and interesting, great. If instead, it is a mess of blubbering and seems a bit desperate. Oh well... Ive been called worse.

Today at work the cutest little baby girl came in for PT. A little 7 month old, about the size Reed was at 4 months. Today, a 1 week overdue pregnant girl (woman) came lumbering in. I had passed on some acupressure tricks to her to try to get her started and while she did begin having labor pains, they quickly went away.

I am heart sick. I want that. For the most part, I loved the feeling of being pregnant. (That is after I got past the barfy months and before my ankles disappeared.) Beyond that, I am baby hungry. Maybe hungry isn't the right word, how bout ravenous? There is something in me screaming out that I need to pop me out some babies!!!!

I have always wanted the perfect little life with the ruggedly handsome (read: Burly lumberjack) big teddy bear husband and 5 boys. (Preston, Porter, Colton, Hunter, and Fisher. And maybe an Archer --- but NOT call him Archie.) Things never seem to quite pan out the way we plan and here I am. I adore my sweet little poop child, Reed. But I recognize in me a urge for something more. I want my football team.... I want my football team that includes my hubby coach!!!! I want my football team that brings other players over to eat me out of house and home and chill and say, "thanks, mom" even if Im not their mom. I want to be on the PTA.

Lots of times I think, Its my own damn fault and that I have chosen my path. But then there's this part of me that says, "Hey Lord, Im doing really good. I have come so far in the last few years, please send me someone so I dont have to do this alone anymore... its so hard." But to no avail. To be fair the Lord would have to throw him onto the roof of my truck or just plant him at my front door for me to be able to meet him. (My social time is minimal.) So in a total act of, I dont even know what to call it, Im just gonna throw this out there.

I need your help! While Im not a firm believer in blind dates (my last one turned out to be a child molester and is now in prison) I do believe that many miracles happen through God's little helpers, mainly, FRIENDS. So if anyone out there reads this, I want you to take a few secs, mull it over and see if there is not someone out there that you might think would be a possibility for me. No qualifications (besides the whole church member, NON child molester, obvious musts) No specifics. I am open. K Im done.

If you think this is horribly pathetic then I hope you all realize how pitiful this is to me too. But you cant imagine how hard life is alone.


Flying Princess said...

I, too, love the feel of being pregnant. I. Love. It!!! I was blessed to not get sick and keep my ankles, and I also wanted at least a basketball team of boys (who would have unfortunately been less than 6 feet). It never works out how we plan. But we have to keep going and hope that even a line or phrase of one of our teenage journal entries comes to pass. Or even stay. And sometimes what happens is more than we could have even imagined.

And I am slightly baby hungry, too, but don't tell anyone.


Jenn said...

Oh Em, you've had this dream since we were what, 9? I felt so ungrateful when I read your post. I have the hubby (not as burly as I once thought I wanted, but he IS exactly what I NEEDED), I have the two bear cub boys, and the token daughter. I don't appreciate them as much as I should, and you make me want to be a better mom and wife to the family that I have been blessed with. Thank you!

(as a side note, there are two eligable guys in our ward up here. not necessarily 'burly' but not scrawny guys. good guys. one has 2 cute little girls. come up north baby!)

greg and laurie said...

Come to Alaska. They say the odds are good, but we have to warn you that they also say the goods are odd. We do have a couple of really nice guys right here in our ward. And I'm sure we could find some more for you to check out.
In the mean time, love the one you've got!
Mom C

Amanda said...

Em I am living proof that things don't turn out as you plan.But we sisters need to stick together to make it out alive!I just wish I even knew what it was like to be pregnant.

Jeanne said...

I'm with ya sister.

Sucks doesn't it...

If I find a decent one, I'll UPS next day air him to you!!

Adam and Emily said...

I left you an email so you will have to check that out. And no...I'm craving that same thing right now.