Going gun shopping

So a few days back, My Montana passed a law that if they wanted to manufacture guns in Montana and sell them in Montana to people that would reside in Montana, then they did not need to use the National system for registering said guns. A big shout out to My Montanan's out there for telling the feds where they can shove it and reaffirming their sovergnty.

So this is where things get grey. I dont live in Montana. I wish I did... is that close enough? Cause... I want one of those non registered guns. Just to say I have one. I want it to have printed across it (as required by Montana's new law) Made in Montana. I want one just to say, "F U Obama", more than for any practical reasons. Truth is, Montana's major gun manufacturers pretty much only produce .22's, high end specialty guns and historical reproductions. Not much of a big draw for all those crooks that want to get past the feds background checks. But this is fixing up to be quite the brawl in the courts.

In the mean time, I want in on it. So I fight back and forth with myself about contacting some old friends in Montana to see just how easy it would be to get my hands on my Made in Montana gun. (Most likely a .22) Would that make me a weapons smuggler? Or would I have to use this as an excuse to return to My Montana for good?

The Multiple Personalities of Emily

Montana and I were a perfect fit.

"KISS It... Both cheeks, both lips."

This one could not be posted without caption. There are just so many to choose from. IE: "Twins". Or "Ok, which ones the smart ass and which ones the dumb ass?"

I cant come up with a caption, some things are beyond words. If you can think of one leave a comment. Ill send a prize to the best one.

Everyone has a little bit o short bus in em. I just happen to have more than most.

Again, the best caption from you recieves a prize.

Thanks you Stu, for making it ok for me to pick my nose.

This was a happy time in my life...

After rooting through all my old photos looking for a lumberjack that never existed (thanks a lot TEX the COWBOY) I realized I should share the joy. None of these is current, I cry when I see the length of my hair back then. Most are from my mission. But all show a little facet of what makes me Emily. This also was a big reminder that life does not have to be as serious as it has been lately and its time to be a little silly again. Forgive the pics, as none are very flattering. But I figured any embarrisment is worth the laugh in the end.

The man himself

So I went on the search for the burly lumberjack, and came to realize my memory had failed me. He was just a dumb ol cowboy!!! But big he is. Notice how small I look??? He did his job well. (I think I must have a lumberjack pic somewhere, but try as I may I couldn't find it.)

In the search for Tex up there, I had a fantastic time rummaging through pics and reminiscing about the good old days. So this has triggered a whole slew of blog opportunities and pics that need posting. I apologize ahead of time!!! But who knows you may laugh as hard as I did. And you may even be a part of the fun... Either way, I will enjoy it and thats good enough for me.

The Burly Lumberjack

I know, after the last post I was milking some major pity points. On the other hand some may be saying, "Emily isn't happy unless she is complaining about something." Which may be pretty accurate. And still some of you may just be asking what exactly a "burly lumberjack" would consist of... and why this would be the type a guy a girl (like me) would want. So I figured I would give you a little background on the evolution of the BURLY LUMBERJACK.

The term "Burly Lumberjack" dates back to my teen years and a much loved SNL skit. If I could stream media at work, I would try to find it on utube. Anways, it was a SNL commercial for all natural, biodegradeble tampons, made from tree bark. One of the tag-lines was, "It feels like a burly lumberjack between my thighs." I know, I know, my humor is so crass. Mom is now embarrissed and wants me to tell you that I didn't get it from her. (yeah, right I didnt) Dad would just be rolling his eyes and say, "damn kids" and trying to remember what horrible thing he did in his youth to warrent having 5 daughters.

But back to the tag line. I laughed til I cried. And it stuck. And so at the most random of times, I have to insert "feels like a burly lumberjack between your thighs" into conversations just for kicks. (Its a fun game to play, kinda like the "that's what she said" game. Its just a lot harder to find times that you can effectively insert it into a convo. But thats why its so genius.)

Anyway. From then on, when someone asked what kinda guy I wanted, it was a burly lumberjack. Maybe just cause it makes me laugh every time I hear/say it and maybe cause it captures so well what I want. So what is a burly lumberjack:

-- Cromagnon man meets Edgar from Men In Black (you know, the guy before his body gets taken over by the alien cockaroach...."Edgar skins hanging off your bones..." That guy.

-- As dad would put it, "Strong back, weak mind." (Which is not totally true. I want him to have brains, just enough to say "yes dear, what ever you like dear, I love you, baby."

-- A little bit of red-neckedness. Not that he is red when necked. (I might be) But that he is a bit hick. Thus the draw to places like Arkansas, Alaska and Montana.

-- At least 6 ft tall, at least 40 in waist, barrel chested. Why so big? Well, ladies, I was not blessed with an overly feminine frame. (Oh, you didn't notice, how kind of you!) And nothing makes a lady feel less ladylike than standing next to a wimpy or even average man. I always joked that if I couldn't wear his jeans, I didnt want to date him. I think it still stands, but unfortunately it rules out more men lately.. (sad face). Time to bust out the Turbo Jam. Anyway, I may not be small, but its nice to feel that way and the only way to feel that way is to stand next to a big bear of a man.

-- Hairy. Now, I must explain.... I luv, luv, luv scruff. The look of it. I dont like getting my cheeks raked raw from a kiss, but its a trade off. And well worth it. And while Im not a big fan of running my fingers through a man's back hair, unfortunately, it kinda comes with the territory. And a second down side is the direct correlation between great scruff/back hair and balding up top. What a wierd phenomenon. They grow it everywhere else but not where it should be. Luckily, my daddy was bald and so I see the beauty in it.

-- A Carnivore. I just cant respect a man that doesn't like steak. And I dont want to out eat a man...ever!!!

-- Finally and most important to qualify for the burly lumberjack title he has to be handy. ( NOT Handsy--you dirty mind you!!!) He's got to be able to take on a honey do list and actually do a resonable job at it, and not have to call a professional.

Ok, That was super fun. I hope after this read you will come to appreciate the loveability of a Burly Lumberjack as much as I do!!!

PS If anyone has a copy of the burly lumberjack from Great Falls, MT that is already scanned and "digitized" email it to me so I can post it. If I don't hear from you I will go digging to find my pics, cause he is definately worth posting with this one.

Only in dreams

So Ive been mulling over all kinds of info these days. I think my brain is completely fried. But something has been really knawing at me for a long time. (I just wish I could peg what exactly it is.)

A few nights ago I woke up from having the strangest dream. I was just arriving back in Montana. For some reason, I had returned to continue or to start another mission. I remember thinking, this is not the way it was when I came here last time. Meaning, the red tape process... I just arrived and went to it, no training, just meeting up with a companion somewhere Funny that the companion in my dream is my boss in real life (I haven't quite figured out what she is representing -- her characteristics and all) As I haven't quite pegged that part yet, it really isn't important in my story.

Anyway, I remember meeting up with Jenn and saying, "I know where we need to stop first and mentioned a family from my greenie area, the ward mission leaders house. ---This is where I feel really bad because I cant remember their names, but I loved that family. Oh Whitfield I think, maybe--- As we started toward their house, I hesitated. I remember thinking, wait a minute. I can't do this. What will Reed do? I can't be gone from Reed for so long. I was so excited to be back in Montana and was really happy to see the family again (as they were so good to me) and I was really excited to have the structure of the mission, but everytime I would start to go toward their house I would sick up. Reed would freak out. How could I even consider leaving him?

When I first woke up, my reaction was, "That is so wierd" but the more I thought about it, the more I saw what was so plainly laid out. Now those of you who know me know I am a big believer in dreams. I think I got it from my love for psychology. Now, I know I am not a dreamer in a spiritual sense. I guess the Lord knows I need more of the 2 by 4 approach. But I know that there was a definate message for me.

I have never made it a secret that the whole Shane thing has forever changed me. And it/he has been on my mind a lot lately. (Too much, according to some that follow the blog) And I suppose it is true. But I think this dream was letting me know was that it was time to stop looking back on the joys, hurts and what ifs of the past and start living in the now and looking toward the future.
Now mind you I thought I had reached that point a while back, but its funny how a little reminiscing turns to big what ifs, if you let yourself get carried away.

My mom and I have had some pretty interesting conversations throughout the last few years along these lines (usually as those old hurts I thought were long gone reappeared.) I remember her saying that we all have crossroads in our life that we look back to with a little pause. We all have few different paths we would have liked to take and that we can look back on and say, "I wonder" or "I wish I could just see what that would have been like" She said she thinks we all have another "life" or two we all would have liked to live. But that we only have one path.

The other day she was online and when I walked up to her she said she wanted to show me something. She googled some guys name and up popped the most amazing photography. Black and white, nature prints, very similar to -- but I think even more striking-- than Ansel Adams. She told me that this was the work of one of her old boyfriends. Then she went back to the search and just reading the list of results showed that he was a very successful, award winning photographer very well respected by his peers. She then said that she had also downloaded some music that he had composed. I asked her how she had found him and she was embarrissed to admit that it had just come to her one day to google him. (Maybe it was the most recent school reunion, who knows)

But I think, and I dont know how she knew all this was building up the past little while, but I have learned to not question my moms ESP, but maybe she knew I needed to know that we have all been there. Looking back, almost frozen in time as we look around at our current circumstances saying, What have I done? What could I have done? How did I get here? Her little "Ive been there" was a big nudge forward. A reminder that the reverie is alright, but not to let it consume you into thinking you have chosen the wrong "life" and in turn keep you from living life. And to remember that those memories are somehow a little sweeter in hindsight. The what ifs don't contain the realities of life. They are seen through rose colored glasses. Faults are smaller, faces are handsomer, and life is perfect. No challenges, no flaws, no trouble... And no growth.

So it came to me that as long as I was continally drawn back to the past, I was not moving forward. It was more like that part in Alice in Wonderland where everyone is chasing each other around and around in circles. AND GETTING NOWHERE.

I dunno how to sum this all up. Like I said, this has been floating around in my brain in some form or another for a long long time. So if you actually read this all the way through, Im kinda surprised. If you actually followed my train of thought, Im shocked. But I think I have some old pictures and letters to burn.

ATTN: Montana Billings Mission Sisters UPDATE

For anyone who is interested..... I wont be there but hope ya'll have a good time.

Montana Sister's Reunion
Who: Everyone!
What: Potluck dinner
When: Sat. October 4, 2008 at 5pm
Where: 857 E. Brookshire Dr. Kaysville Utah {84037} -mapquest it or you can email me for directions
Why: Because we want to see each other! Bring something to throw on the grill and something to share. We will meet at 5 and then any men that might come along can go to the Stake Center and watch conference while we chat. Bring your old photo albums! Hope to see you there.. or here I guess :)
TELL EVERYONE!!

ATTN MBM Sisters!!!!

Hey girlies, Just in case you haven't found Mangum's blog yet, or should I say Tiffany, I figured I would pass this info on. Some of the Sisters are trying to put together a sisters reunion Conference weekend. If you are interested in details, click on the Team Thomson link on my blog list. Let her know you are interested. I know its probably close to impossible for me to figure out a way up there and with my current circumstances I dont know how appropriate it would be, but I wanted to pass on the info for anyone that was interested. Once I get more details I will pass it on and maybe Ill see you up there.

Welcome to What If Wonderland....

So before I start spouting out the most horrible realities of the inner workings of my brain, I must, must preface it with this. I love my son. More than I thought was possible. My days, my nights, my downtime (is there any anymore) all revolve around him. With that said I will continue.

So for some reason my head has been spinning with the what ifs of my life. I think I am looking back on the wasted time since I graduated high school. Scratch that, since I got my AA and AGS. I suppose you could even give myself a little credit for my mission. So I am looking back on the wasted time since I returned from Montana.

I have to admit the things that happened right when I got home seemed to start me on some crazy roller coaster or some other barf inducing ride. But whatever the catalyst, the effect has been the same. I lost about 6 or 7 (has it really been 7) years of my life. My mom counts it up to depression, too many years without medication or something of the sort and I suppose that has something to do with it. But now that I have no time of my own, I look back longingly at a few years back when I had all the time in the world and for some reason, let it waste away. I accomplished so very little. So now I live in what if land. What if I would have gone to ASU as planned after I got my AA/AGS? Would I have my Psyc. degree? Would I actually have a decent career? Why did I not continue with school? (Sure I have my Massage License, that I dont really use.... but what good has that been?)
Add to that my damaged heart.... What if I would have married Shane? Would we already be divorced like my dad predicted? Or did I let my hesitation push away "the one". Mind you, I dont really believe in "the one". Seems like a load of shit to me. But is that cause I dont wanna admit I let it go, or is it because I haven't found it yet. DUNNO...
All I know is I am living in a cesspool of what if that is killing me. I wouldn't trade Reed for anything, but I would love for the circumstances to be different.
And as I sit here putting together the final pieces of info for my bankruptcy, I think, damn it... I could be buying a house right now. This is the perfect time to buy. I need the room for Reed. But I cant buy because I let myself get dragged into a fog so that I couldn't see what was happening on any level of my life until I ended up 50 grand in debt for a man that never saw me as anything more that a meal/meth ticket. And it makes me wonder, Is that all I ever saw myself as? Was I in such a low spot in my life after Shane, that I ended up trying to buy (on credit) James' love.
This also makes me a skeptic for anything good that comes around. Maybe it was the guy my sister tried to hook me up with that just didn't take for me, and that a year later ended up going to prison for molesting his scout troop. Or maybe the other man nightmares have all just piled up on each other and I am left wondering if there are any decent men alive that arent total messes, that act like grown ups. (Anybody know any? Im taking resumes)

I just hope all of this is just because I am in major transition right now. In the middle of child support paperwork and bankruptcy paperwork. In the middle of a job I dont like and get paid very little for. (Im worth so much more... HA HA) Im in the middle of waiting for the storm to clear. Does it ever, really?? Nope, didn't think so. So WOO HOO, time to pull myself up by my proverbial boot straps and forge ahead. And work my ass off, work my ass of like theres no tomorrow to make sure the next 7 years aren't wasted too!!!