So I meant to actually write this on Friday, but I got busy. But this whole turning thirty thing has been nagging at me for a while. Im not having a meltdown or anything. I had that when I turned 26. (The older 20s...) But I have realized that as you age you start to look at things differently. For Reed I looked at everything in months... Months along in the pregnancy, months old, etc. Im sure this will continue until about 2. But I realized as I was looking back at my "youth", that I have started looking back at decades. OUCH.
I remember when Shane was just 30 that Tim McGraw song "Next Thirty Years" was a current song. It kinda became a theme for what was then to be our bright future together. And while things did not turn out as we had planned, I hope he is following his other plans for the next 30. And here I am looking back at my 20's, seeing all that has happened and I am happy to leave them behind and start my next 30 years. And I cant get that song out of my head. Ill have to find that CD again.
James and I went to our parenting class for our child support case last Saturday. I guess its unheard of to actually attend the same class. (The teacher almost didn't let him stay and at first he asked us to sit on opposite sides of the classroom. Laughable to us both. I tried to explain the situation, but he was very hesitant and kept a very close watch on us throughout the 4 hours. Needless to say everyone thought we were crazy because we were in there laughing and acting all friendly the whole time.) Anyway, for the most part it was torture and really didn't apply very much considering we weren't divorcing and Reed wasn't going through an "adjustment" because his split family is all he has ever known. But I was able to catch a few tidbits that were helpful and a few things got me thinking. We were discussing the grieving process and the different step of grief. Ultimately, the teacher said we go through all the steps, not always in order, but we get through them.. whether we like it or not. We had to go through them, but we did have a choice of how we went through them. He said that grief was always accompanied by change. During this transition phase, it was up to us to decide what kind of change to make, be it negative or positive. He also said that we could use this as an opportunity to make several changes. So here I am, already reflective on my past because of my birthday the day before, and he just reinforced to me that all those little resolutions and changes I wanted to make can really happen and now is the perfect time as I am already in that frame of mind and out of my comfort zone.
So all those promises about taking better care of myself, getting all my legal matters finalized, etc etc. that have been nagging at me and battling for my attention have now become a high priorty matter. So wish me luck and check in now and again to make sure I haven't just brushed them aside like all my new years resolutions that die so quickly.
4 years ago