Wednesday, July 8, 2009

In response to Anonymous....

A few days ago I got a comment from my "purge" entry, that I thought would be worth addressing. The comment reads as such:

I dont know you, I was just looking at some blogs and someone mentioned that this blog belonged to a member of the LDS church. Life is tough for sure and ya your son deserves a mom he can look up to. I had a close friend that was a member of the church and he stressed how you guys like to be Christ-like... Not gonna life if you are purging to get revenge that sucks and maybe your son deserves better. Not to bash, I dont know you or your situation, but maybe you should adopt a journal or something, because more people are reading than you realize. Im sure you are a woman of God, this kid I know is married to one of those too. It helps to have that example from you women who enhance those Christ-like attributes in your church because you guys carry a lot of the few left out there. I dont mean to offend just something I noticed. Good luck with everything I hope God blesses you with happiness in spite of life.

Well, Im not gonna lie to you either..... while I get the jist of what you are saying, you are all over the place. So I will attempt to make sense of the comment and address some of your concerns. Please understand, I am sincere in what I say, but I do have a sense of humor and cant help being surprised and humored by some remarks.

IF I understand correctly:
1. You believe I am motivated by revenge
2. You believe I am a bad example of what an LDS woman should be.
3. You believe my son deserves better.
4. You believe there are many more reading my blog than I realize and I should chose a different venue.

1. You believe I am motivated by revenge. I often write when frustrated, but I believe there is a vast difference between the two. I know that my thoughts and feelings are very raw and unfiltered. I do not believe in sugar coating my posts. There would be no point for me or my readers. Those who know me, recognize and appreciate my candor. Im sure my sentiments at times may seem coarse and far too revealing for the general public. (But realize there is much detail not revealed.) And this is my outlet. I can tell that you are young and hold very firm to strong ideals. I can appreciate that. But just because you hold high ideals doesn't mean others will live up to them. In fact, you will spend your life miserable because NO ONE WILL be able to.... INCLUDING YOURSELF. Perfection is just not practical, nor is it (I believe) part of the plan God has for us. (At least not during our time here on earth.... I will address this more in #2) Not all things in life are pretty. I dont believe in sweeping them under the carpet. They will still be there.... If we dont recognize our struggles we do not have nearly as much appreciation for life's beauty. And make no mistake, I love life. I am happy and I dont look for happiness "in spite of life" but celebrate it in full, both good and bad, because I try to learn what I can from ALL of life's experiences. An occasional purge or vent doesn't make me vindictive. It makes me human, with all the failings that go with it.

2. You believe I am a bad example for non- LDS Christians of what a good Mormon should be. My friends span the whole spectrum of faiths. Agnostic to LDS, Non Denominational Christian to Jewish. I find it so interesting and sadly humorous that the common BIG downfall for us all (myself included) is our fingers always pointing out each others shortcomings. Since this entry was so old, I assumed you may have read farther through other posts where I often try to find a lesson in the mundane experiences in life. You see... I am FLAWED!!! I am still learning. I make mistakes all the time and I will never claim to be a "perfect example" of what a member of the LDS church should be. But my dear, none of us are. We were not meant to be. You see the great overarching tenet of my faith, the LDS faith, is that Jesus died for me so that I could come to earth to become perfected "in Him". Not on my own. He is the only reason I can ever be perfect and that is a long time from now. My life here on earth is a school, and learning is a long process, and mistakes and failings are most often the catalyst for learning. I figure, if I am doing what I can to learn from all my mess-ups and relying on the power of my Savior's miraculous Atonement to grant me forgiveness for my mistakes and flaws and then rise above them to gain perspective and wisdom, then I am on the right track and my Savior will make up the difference. As a fellow Christian (I am assuming) I know you must realize we must all rely on the grace of God. I do not excuse my flaws, I do not justify my weaknesses--but I do not pretend they dont exist either. Instead, I try to use them as tools to help me better myself. But this is a LONG PROCESS.

3. You believe my son deserves better. I could not agree with you more! I cry frequently because I am unable to provide all he deserves. My choices brought him into less than ideal circumstances. I would give him all if I could. But that is not the way for any of us. I know that all the things he doesn't have and deserves will help to shape him in his own process of becoming. And I pray that God will continually bless him in my shortfalls.

4. You believe many more are reading this blog than I realize. It is possible. But I find it highly improbable. But I would not worry if they were. I love to blogsurf. Strangers who know a friend that knows a friend....the connections are endless. But what does that matter? Are we not all going through struggles and looking for a little outlet, a little wisdom or at least a little reassurance that we are not alone. That we are not just the "unfavorite Child of God". If someone, such as yourself, does happen stumble onto my blog -- I would hope that they have the wisdom to see it for what it is. A journal of ups and downs, mourning and rejoicing, expressing wisdom through hard lessons learned and frustration with the lesson one just doesn't quite grasp yet. It is just a chronicle of a mundane life, unremarkable at first sight, but inspiring in the raw perspective as it HONESTLY relates to the struggles in life and finds beauty for ashes.

I hope with this entry you look on me a little kinder. Single parenthood was far more difficult than I ever expected it to be, and don't think I was at all disillusioned. I knew it would be amazingly hard. If I could, I would love to trade "moccasins" for a day. Cause I never have downtime. If Im not working at work, I am working at home. My day doesn't end with the timeclock and my week doesn't end with Friday. My criticisms I suppose were more a cry for help from those I know would be reading (and probably with a critical eye, much like yours.) So next time you run into a single mom in your church or even just a mom in the grocery store with a screaming child, dont ask why she does what she does, ask what you can do to help. And even if she thanks you but says no, you will have made her day and she will ask to Lord to bless you as much as you blessed her just by the gesture.

My dear stranger, my unknown friend. I hope you dont read anything critical in my response, I just want to share a perspective with you (just as I try to do with all my readers). Now, I will leave you with your same blessing (just a little tweeked of course)... Good luck with everything. I hope God blesses you with happiness in all facets of life, both in ease and struggles.

3 comments:

Lisa Meyer said...

Emily... I think you are an amazing Mom... please don't forget that.

Blueyedmle said...

Just wanted to give a shout out to all my friends/fam that showed such love an support here and on facebook. I am only strong because I have so many lifting me! Thank you all!

mom C said...

Emily,
I LOVE you - you are awesome! You uplift and inspire me with your insights as you go through this human experience. No one HAS to read a blog they don't agree with - but for me, your blog is a MUST read - because it makes me think and feel and ponder. Keep it up. You have a great talent in your writing.