Tuesday, June 23, 2009


Be forewarned that not everyone wants to read this entry. Im sure by now you know who you are. And while I was going to wait to write this til I was officially private. Im festering and seething right now. And I will not sleep if I dont purge myself from this.

That being said, the father will be mentioned and those who dont want to read this, will say I am being unfair, bitchy, or some other similar sentiment. Get over it! Ya wanna make him the victim, go ahead. I am done trying to be all nice and sweet without any kind of support or help from the donor or his family.

I read a lovely blog post today, regarding Reed's grandfather, who I happen to think very highly of. In response to this post, I made a comment. I dont have the exact message, but the basically it said, "That was so sweet, I too am very thankful for your dad, as he is a perfect example for Reed of what a good man should be." Unbeknownst to me, this spread like wildfire and I became a poriah because they all thought I was making commentary on Reed's father's parenting skills. Funny, the only way one would jump to that conclusion is if you knew his parenting skills were lacking and in some cases down right unacceptable. BUT-- I never mentioned the father, he never came to mind, I was just expressing my thanks to Reed's grandfather. Well, needless to say, I became quite the talk and received several less than happy messages from those who read my comment. I tried to explain, that I was not making commentary on the father. Just expressing gratitude. This explanation went unnoticed by most. So, since I am considered the villian. I figured I might as well play the part. That way, all those victims of my cruel comment can truely be the victims they want to be so badly.

--- I am the villian because I wouldn't interrupt my father's day plans to drive Reed over to see his dad. I ask, where is your father? Can he not bring you? What about the bus? After much running around trying to make sure that the father had his parenting time, I decided that it was not my responsibility. As clearly stated in the parenting plan, each parent will pick up the child when their parenting time starts. This was clearly explained long before father's day. Logical sure. I thought so.

--- I am the villian because I didn't wish the father a happy birthday. As we are no longer in a relationship, it slipped my mind. This was a much bigger deal than the times my birthday was forgotten when we were in a relationship.

--- I am a villian because for once in my life I am learning to stand up for myself. I decided I only needed to talk to the father when it pertained to Reed and visitation.

--- I am a villian because I get child support and now the father has to have a second job. Nevermind that I dont get his half of the day care or his half of the medical copays and deductables. I dont get money for the babysitters that I have to hire when he frequently chooses not to show up for his parenting time, and I need to get stuff done.

--- I am a villian because the grandma who lives far away doesn't ever get to see her grandchild. Im sorry, after paying for the day care and medical expenses that are you sons responsibility, I just dont have extra money for plane tickets....

Ya know, the list could go on and on. But somehow, I have just come to the conclusion, that I will always be the villian. Nevermind all the past crap, nevermind all the current crap. Im the villian.... And I suppose, if I must be, I better just learn to live it up.


Anonymous said...

You go girl! Sperm donors are NOT the same as fathers! Sperm donors do not stay around for the hard stuff - fathers do. A donor does NOT have to be a man, he can be a boy. Unfortunately, it seems that Reed has a donor and a MOTHER! I repeat, you go girl! Anybody that gives you crap for what you do or say as a single parent (since there is no man/father involved) - really isn't worth the time or energy involved to talk about. I'm proud of you and think you are doing an awesome job - hold your head up high!
Mom C

{tiffany} thomson said...

Better the villian than the victim. You have to stand up for yourself- no one else will.

Jenn said...

Good job for not only standing up for yourself, but standing up for your son. He deserves a mom that is someone he can look up to, so that he can grow up to respect women and the strong rolls they play in his life. You are his advocate. Thank goodness for men like your dad for Reed to look up to.

Anonymous said...

I dont know you, I was just looking at some blogs and someone mentioned that this blog belonged to a member of the LDS church. Life is tough for sure and ya your son does deserve a mom he can look up to. I had a close friend that was a member of your church and he stressed how you guys like to be Christ-like... Not gonna lie if you are purging to get revenge that sucks and maybe your son deserves better. Not to bash, I dont know you or your situation, but maybe you should adopt a journal or something, because more people are reading than you realize. Im sure you are a woman of God, this kid I know is married to one of those too. It helps to have that example from you women who enhance those christ-like attributes in your church because you guys carry a lot of the few left out there. I dont mean to offend just something I noticed. Good luck with everything I hope God blesses you with happiness in spite of life