So Reed woke up early this morning so I let him crawl around in bed with me (and have a bottle of juice) while I dozed. This is pretty much our morning ritual as he is always up by 4:30 or 5. He was doing his usual crawl around, then cuddle, pinch my face and pull my hair, crawl around, watch Playhouse Disney... etc. You get the idea. Anyway, as I am getting up to get ready for work I look over to watch him start throwing up all over my bed. And this isn't just baby spit up, that was part of everyday life for so long, I dont flinch over that. I dont go changing his clothes after every spill, or change my bed sheets everytime his bottle leaks.... But I digress. This was a full on BARF. As I didnt get to sleep til late last night so I was sleeping in a little longer than usual, this threw a time crunch into my schedule. So here I am pulling sheets off my bed, hoping Reed doesnt reprise his little performance art on my bare mattress and watching the clock so I get to work on time. My point... I dont know if I have one more than to say. AHHHHHHHH!!
So when my poor kid is barfing, obviously not feeling well... I know I had it two days ago, all I can do is pull sheets of my bed and get him cleaned off enough to get dressed for the day. No time for cuddles and "Oh I'm sorry you feel yucky, baby".
Lately, I have been seeing the effects of "just getting by" or the "path of least resisitance" with Reed. He is a poop. Spoiled and sassy. He usually sleeps with me cause its too hard of a fight to get him to go to sleep on his own in the crib. He usually falls asleep with a bottle in his mouth. A dentists nightmare... Anyway, there is a connection between these two ideas... Hopefully, I can make it make sense. It does in my mind.... But thats not saying much these days.
I guess what Im hoping for is that there are some "Single Mom Angels" to help counter the negative effects of my bad parenting so this kid has a chance of being as amazing as I know he is. Will he ever sleep through the night? Dunno. Wont let him cry himself to sleep to find out. Will he ever stop hitting and biting? (He thinks kisses consist of opening up his mouth putting on your face, arm or elsewhere and biting down.) Or pulling hair? Oh man the list goes on and on. And you know what triggered this train.... The damn pediatrician that said we needed to break him of bottles on his first birthday. COLD TURKEY. I couldnt even let the kid cry through the night for 3 days so he would learn to sleep through the night. Now Im supposed to have a throw the bottles away ceremony and never "find" them again.
Oh, I lost my point again. But anyway here it is. Where is the balance between good parenting and sanity meet? Will I ever sleep again? Will I ever have time to find my female figure again? (it wasnt so smashing before, but damn, I keep thinking my ass cant possibly get any bigger... and then damn it to hell if it does find a way....) And I wonder why I dont date....
But more importantly, how do keep perspective on whats really important and best of Reed, when I am doing it alone? My family helps, and James tries (if not as much as I would like). But in the end, even with a day that starts around 5am and ends about 11pm, nothing ever seems to get done.
So in the mean time, I dream. I dream of winning the lottery that I dont play. I dream of the rich, hansome or at least ok looking guy that wants to take care of me so I can be home and be the Mother of the Year (even if my ass is as mentioned above). I dream of writing the next big novel and making millions in royalties so I can be at home and be the Mother of the Year... Needless to say, I have a vivid imagination and very limited practical application skills. And to Oprah, I call Bullshit to "the Secret" and her "New World" and just say... Its a damn good day, when I can go to bed with the bottles cleaned, a baby bathed, and no barf on my sheets.... (Put that out the universe ya bitch. )
4 years ago