Lovin the little things

Reed was especially cute this morning. I usually leave him sleeping in the morning while I get ready for work. When I walked into the room to wake him up, he was already awake, staring off into space. When he saw me he smiled. I started singing to him, as I usually do and he laughed. And laughed. It made my day.

Work today has been ordinary. While Im happy for no big crisis, it makes the day drag. I was happy for my lunch break. I had to stop at the store to return some t-shirts that were too BIG. YEAH. There is hope!!!

I went to El Pollo Loco for lunch and got me a BRC. I used to get these all the time when I worked in Tempe. In Tempe, a BRC stands for Beans, Rice and Cheese. This is what I was expecting. (Its on their dollar menu. Its cheap and good. Cant beat that) Apparently at the Pollo Loco on Power and the freeway today, BRC stands for Beans, Rice and Chicken. Jackpot!!! So I got a burro with yummy chicken in it, that would have cost me a few dollars in Tempe, for just 1.29.

Yes... It is the little things in life that help us dance on through the crap.

Another lesson from the fire-- Perspective

I realize the original thought that inspired the last blog entry was completely forgotten when I sat down to write the other day. So I will add it now.

As a was cleaning the soot off the wall, I looked up and noticed a huge spider web up in the corner. It was blackened like everything else. I looked around and found two other webs throughout the room, also dark with soot.

I always thought I was pretty good about cleaning up the corners of cobwebs, but the smoke from the fire had a way of really bringing to light some of the cobwebs that had been missed.

Hard times in life, like the fire, have a way of bringing out some of the little things that need attention. The little parts of our life like our character flaws or little bad habits, little idiosyncracies if youwill, that need cleaning or fine tuning can be magnified or highlighted during these times. And usually we do a couple of different things: We can either get discouraged and beat ourselves up for it, we can ignore that they were ever brought to our attention, or we can turn the trial into a learning experience and take the opportunity to correct our flaws.

With just a little effort, my sooty cobowebs were cleared away. Unfortunately, many of the metaphorical cobwebs require a little more time. But Im grateful for the subtle, kind reminder that there is still work to be done.

What we gained in the fire.

So I never saw that movie: What we lost in the fire. But I will put a spin on it.
What I gained in the fire:

1. Angels surround us. This could have been huge. I wasn't in my apartment. This could have easily been the whole house. I kinda freak out if I think about it much. 25 years gone in an instant. We are watched over.

2. The Lord's promptings are exactly what they need to be, not what we think they should be. You would think I would have heard a prompting like, "somethings wrong, go out to the apartment." Instead, the thought was, "Send Millie out to get the leftovers from last night." Not conventional, but it got the job done. ** Notice mine was about FOOD.**

3. Be prepared. I need to put new batteries in the smoke alarm. I never paid attention to it, til it didn't work when I needed it to... NOT GOOD. (Ironic considering I organize the fire inspection and drill info for all of our PT centers at work...) But how many things in life do we NOT think of til we really need it? Prayer? Food Storage? A full gas tank? For a long time, the idea of a 72 hr kit has been nagging at me, I putter around with it now and then, but I think its time to really get it together.

4. Nothing in coincidental. Last year, while working at our Tempe office, the Rural Metro guy came to inspect the fire extinguishers. One was not up to code for a commercial area so he replaced it with a new one and told me I could have the old one. Not thinking much of it, I said, Ok, I guess... A few months back when straightening up, I got frustrated that the stupid thing was taking up space (as it is so limited in my apartment) I almost got rid of it, but I figured Id just keep it out by my washer/dryer instead of in the apartment. Just in case. This was a lifesaver. Thank you Rural Metro.

5. If you are prepared you wont be afraid. When I rushed out to the apartment, I knew exactly where I had my fire extinguisher. I looked into the smoke filled kitchen, saw it was the range, quickly turned off the burner and went outside to grab my fire extinguisher. Now, I had never used one, it was a bit intimidating, but because of fire drills at work, I had a basic understanding. My heart was pounding, but I wasn't afraid.

After my firefighter experience was over, I came back in to the house to let Millie know everything was ok. Her train of thought was the same as mine. It could have been so much worse. It hit home when she realized that her room backs up to my kitchen. My response was, "We were so lucky." She, being much wiser (even if she is 15 years younger) said, "No Emily, We are blessed." Yup. Humbled by my bratty teenager sister. OUCH. And of course she was right.

Bad attitude

These past couple weeks have been a pain. The other front office lady has been out sick and so I have spent my days running around like a crazy lady hoping I can get everything done. Leave it to the central billing office to choose these past 2 weeks to roll out 3 different "projects" to work on during our downtime (but have done by the end of the week...) I couldn't even get the regular stuff done.... So I have come home from work every night, exhausted.
Add to that a yearly physical that turned into a blood test cause my body is out of control right now. Add to that the insurance not covering the meds to help said crazy out of control body be normal (or as normal as possible.) I have been told if I don't get my health under control I will have major problems. (Cause the ones now aren't major yet. I guess.)
Add to that Reed being sick for a week. (Read: Grouchy baby and snot on my shoulder, at all times. I have stopped wearing black because of it.) Add to that Reed's check up where we got referred to an ENT specialist because he has sleep apnea and needs his adenoids removed.
Add to that I have to give up or at least minimize my Diet Pepsi cause of above health problems. Cant imagine how I could make it through the day w/o my pepsi.
Add to that the nurse also told me I needed to take "me time". HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I could keep adding but my head hurts too much--another perk of my health problems.

So I have decided I have a bad attitude.

But I walked into work today and I wasn't alone.
And while waiting for the Dr. today, Reed made me laugh out loud when he told me no and shook his head at me. (This will probably be the only time I think its funny but his verbal skills are still limited and I love when he uses his big boy words)
And the sandwich lady at Sprouts greeted me by name today.
And I get done with work in 2 minutes
And I have dinner and a movie waiting for me at home (dinner, thanks to mom, and a movie courtesy of Reed and PIXAR)
So I have to remember that I have things to have a good attitue about.

Thanksgiving Thoughts

So I dont know what is wrong with me, but I have been struggling lately to feel any sort of thankfulness. Before I get myself in trouble, let me preface this with a huge thankful for my family especially my mom for all the help and support with Reed and with my "imbalances" in general. But I seem to be in a glass half empty funk. I have been think about this for the past couple weeks, but part of me would just like to skip over this whole holiday routine and get on with 2009. Maybe part of this blog entry is to get myself actually thinking about all there is to be thankful for.

Every year my mom put up a giant paper tablet (kinda like the elementary school teachers used to have...) in the hallway and everyone gets to write down what they are thankful for. I have walked past it several times this year, looked at it and just shook my head. I know I have a million things to be thankful for, but I am just so frustrated with current circumstances that I have been walking around as cynical as ever... And we all know how shocking that must be.

Last year faced with all of the stresses of being a new single parent and all that goes with it, my Thanksgiving list was so very different than years past, much more detailed and kinda grown up, you could even call it "enlightened." Right around this time last year, I started having health problems that ended me up in the hospital in a fight for my life. It was a scary week or two (I dont really remember) as they used me as a human pin cushion, ran test after test and pumped someone elses blood into me. I was bruised and sliced up all over and had lost about 15 pounds, but when I was released Dec 5th, I was so glad to be going home. My world was a different place and all of the sudden my thanksgiving list was even longer than before. Although by then Thanksgiving had passed and we were deep in the throws of the Christmas routine.

So I guess my question is:

Why is it that last year when I was walking through what many would consider a hellish year, was I more thankful than ever and why is it that this year, which has been relatively calm (**Emphasis on relative) am I so lacking a thankful spirit? Shouldn't it be the other way around? Why is it when things are good or at least not bad, we want different? But when things are awful, everything around you becomes a blessing?

I guess the answer is humility or lack thereof. Now that I have written this, I realize how very telling it is about what it takes to make me/keep me humble. I have trouble keeping proper perspective when things are status quo. So maybe I will have to take a little more time and really work on a thankful list. Ill have to get back to yall.