Its not breathing, but it has a pulse...

So romance may be close to obsolete in my personal life. Really. This is where you absolutely dont respond with a "dont worry honey, you're next" and definately not a "there is someone out there for everyone, just be patient" and I can't guarantee your safety if you say, "he is still being groomed, he will be ready for you soon." B-A-R-F!

But in an attempt to rekindle my hope and to "get my fix" so to speak, I will now share with you a favorite "man speech" and we can pretend together that it is directed at me. (Sigh)

"You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight and a half years ago. Dare not say that a man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant." Jane Austen - Persuasion

For those of you not familiar with Persuasion. It is my favorite of all the Jane Austen stories. Go find the 1996 (I think) Cyrian Hinds version. And have a good cry for/with me. Cause maybe just maybe, even though all you smug marrieds are not suffering from the plague of being single, you may just be needing a romance fix as much as I do.

FYI: I enjoyed this so much, I may just have to have a "man speech" periodically.
Next time, I think I will pull it from North and South (Elizabeth Gaskell) or Sense and Sensibility (Jane Austen). There are tons to choose from....

Parenting for Dummies

So I, needing all the help I can get, have been on the hunt for some good parenting books specific to boys.
Mom found me a book called "So You Want to Raise a Boy" by Cleon Skousen. I found this humorous. And tried not to get my feelings hurt thinking my mom was commenting on my parenting skills or lack there of.
After some not so proud parenting moments in my short but full career.... I have decided that I too should write a parenting book. Mine will be a straightforward, honest look at the beauty of parenting. Here is my brainstorming for titles. These may also just end up being chapter titles.

1. So you want to beat your child.....

2. When your childs first name is Dammit

3. The flusher, the flooder, and the flatulent. Boys in bathrooms

4. Oh my gosh, is that poop? And other things you never thought you would be saying...

5. Watching for split pea soup... (aka: no, your child isn't possessed.)

6. Nobody told me your real name was Damien...

7. Sanity is not an option.

8. When all else fails, lock them up. (this one is dedicated to Amy...)

9. Gifted and obnoxious aren't the same thing. (a book for stage moms....)

10. Oh Shit, I am turning into my mother... (This is dead on perfect for me.... cause boy is it happening!)

Alice, Alice, Wake Up Alice

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad, You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
Cat: You must be, or you wouldn't have come here.
(Alice in Wonderland)

I have way too many moments in my life where I realize that I am Alice, surrounding myself with insanity and then wondering why I am the only sane person in the room and then wondering why everyone else thinks I am crazy.

God is Awake

Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.

---Victor Hugo



I have had a pretty low past couple weeks. Im not sure why. No big stress, just the constant push to make it through the day. I was glad to find this quote.

Too often of late, I have to be reminded that God is not asleep at the helm. Too often as of late, I have needed reassurance. But I bump along in the storm, white knuckled and continually cry out, "Carest thou not that we perish?" or in modern Emily terms, "Can't you see me? Im breaking down. I cant do it anymore." And in the moments that I am willing to listen, I can hear so very quietly..." The wind and the waves shall obey my will, Peace be still."

And then I have to take a deep breath, and continue to push forward.

Still

Reed and I had a pretty good day at church yesterday. Usually we end up in the hallway for the sacrament and then go home. But we lasted most of the meeting before heading home for a nap. It was the primary presentation. A big woo-hoo goes out to little sis Ella for her violin performance. Outstanding! You are amazing.

As a part of the program, the congregation sang the third verse of How Firm A Foundation. (For those of you who didn't know...) This is one of my favorite hymns. It was one of those that got me through tough times in Montana. I remember sitting through meetings sobbing as we sang it. So it holds a ton of memories and emotions in it. Anyway, the third verse:

Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed
For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid.
I strengthen thee, help thee and cause thee to stand
Upheld by my righteous omnipotent hand.

So the use of the word "Still" really stuck out to me. I never really noticed it before. But its a comfort to me now. See, sometimes we think we have made too many mistakes or we just aren't worthy for God's help. But God will never turn his back on us. No matter what, He will still give us aid. We are never so far gone that we cannot be redeemed. That is the beauty of the gospel.

I can even hear the conversation in my head...

Me: Umm. Are you there?
God: Yes, Emily, How are you today?
Me: Much the same. I'm just checking in.
God: Well, I am here.
Me: I know. Sometimes I forget.
God: Oh, dont I know it!
Me: Ha ha. Thats funny. You know everything.
God: Well, Im here when you remember again. And Ill probably find ways to help you remember if you do forget.
Me: Like last time?
God: Yeah. Like last time. And the time before. And before that.
Me: Yeah. Im pretty predictable, huh.
God: Yeah. But I know everything anyway, remember.
Me: Yes. You got me again. You really do have a great sense of humor.
God: I do. But dont ever think that I dont take you and your life seriously. Ill always be here.
Me: Even if.....?
God: Even if..... But how bout you just take my word for it and not try it.
Me: Ok. Sounds good. But what if.....
God: Yes. Even then.
Me: OR.....
God: Even then.
Me: But what about.....
God: You silly child. Aren't you catching on yet? Even then.
Me: Oh. OK. Can you hear me now? HAHA Im kidding.
God: I know. (sigh)
(See I know that I make God sigh a lot... this is a common occurance.)
Me: Ok. Well. Ill probably ask again tomorrow. So be ready.
God: I'll be here waiting. Have a blessed day.
Me: Isn't that kinda up to you?
God: No, Emily, That's kinda up to you.... (chuckle, sigh)
Me: Ok thanks.

See you may laugh. But thats probably the most realistic example of my prayers. People think Im crazy watching me talking (to what seems to be myself, but isn't) as I drive down the road and stuff. But you get the idea. STILL?

The quote for the day....

There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blessed or wretched.

--Sophocles (496 BC - 406 BC)

Funny that this is the quote for the day as I watch Reed's dad return to prison this week. There is a part of me that sighs with relief. There is a part of me that is saddened that he has not yet recognized that he is better than the life he chooses to lead. My hope is that he will eventually learn the lessons he needs to, so that he can become a man one would judge as blessed. I find comfort in this. Not only for Reed's fathers sake, but for my own.

My life too has had major valleys, major low point, times that I look back at with shame. But I can also look back at those times and use them as a baseline to see how far I have come. And it gives me an opportunity to recognize how far I still have to go so that my own life can be called blessed.